Thursday, April 3, 2014

My most embarassing moments

I was chatting with some girlfriends over lunch and the topic was our most embarrassing moments. I'll share the three stories that make my list simply because... well... I feel like it, that's why. Because owning my humiliation and shouting it from the hills seems like a great idea at the moment. So here goes...

1. I was 14 years old and visiting my friend, Amber, in Monterrey, California. One day, her dad took us to a waterslide park. It was very fun. Until I went down a slide, stood up in the pool at the end, I made my way to the steps and sidewalk. At that moment, Amber grabbed my arm. "Your top!" she shouted. I looked down and my entire swimsuit top was almost around my tummy. I was flashing the entire waterpark my very developed breasts. Not just for a second, but for quite awhile. I must have turned 50 shades of red. I wanted to leave. Horrified doesn't begin to describe my complete and total humiliation.

2. I was 38 years old and working at a very large company as a Assistant Vice President of Communications. One day I made my way to a hotel conference room for a leadership retreat. I left my car with valet and joined the meeting and then realized that I didn't leave my key in the car. I left to go to the valet desk, came back to the conference room, only to find the leadership team laughing out loud. "Ok, what is so funny?" I asked. One of the men I worked with said, "You forgot to turn your ringer on your cell phone off." Oh.My.Gosh. My ringtone happened to be one of my favorite songs, Promiscuous Girl by Nelly Furtado. In case you don't know the song, here's a sample:

Promiscuous girl, wherever you are
Im all alone and it's you that I want
Promiscuous boy, you already know
That Im all yours, what you waiting for?

That must have sounded really "telling" to my entire senior leadership team. I had to explain. "I love the song, that's it. It has nothing to do with me as a person," I stammered. For months (even longer) later, they still called me "Promiscuous Girl" -- and that was to my face. Lovely.

3. During my ex husband's father's memorial service, the priest, Father Joe, was in the middle of his prayer. And my phone went off. Loudly. To make matters worse, my handbag was a row behind where we were sitting. I had to jump up during the prayer, go to the row behind us, and fish around in my gigantic handbag, find my phone and turn the ringer off. I wanted to crawl into a very deep hole and stay there for a very long time. Ugh.

4. During my bald days following chemo, I wore wigs everywhere I went. When my hair started growing back, those wigs just didn't stay on my head as well as they did when I had no hair at all. One evening, my boyfriend, William, and I were snuggled up watching TV and my wig pulled off. By this time, however, I had become very comfortable with my "un-perfectness." William said, "Do you need to put your hair back on?" Um, yes I did! I didn't have enough hair on my head to be comfortable enough going with my natural look. It was just maybe eight weeks later and, at last, I was ready to ditch the wig and just be me-- short haired Lizzy.

Good for a chuckle at my expense, I hope! Today, I celebrate being alive, even if I am the butt of jokes at times. It's all ok.