Saturday, August 2, 2014

As usual, I've overdone it (or is that even possible?)

I know I've written this before, but here I go again: I do not want this summer to end. It has been The Best Summer Ever, and I mean it sincerely. And the thought of the girls going back to school in 16 days makes my stomach turn. I have thoroughly enjoyed having no structure, spending time with my girls, making new friends, and creating new (un)structures. I cannot fathom waking up early, going to bed at a decent hour, picking up kids far too early in the day, and shuttling them around from soccer to swim to sewing, and helping with homework. Yuck. I don't tell them this, of course, but it's how I feel.

Morgan was at soccer practice last week and had one of her teammates ram into her foot. She has an awful sprain, she's on anti-inflammatories, a brace, icing it up and in awful pain. So trying out for high school soccer on Monday is out of the question. The doctor won't clear her. Of course, she can hardly walk so even with a clearance, it's just not happening. Oh well, she'll stay with Forza, which is fine. How long will this take to get better? Ugh, who knows.

And though we've not purchased a single school supply, I confess that, once again, I've overdone clothes and shoe shopping. In Siena's closet, I seriously cannot fit one more hanger. It is crammed full. I will get her a few new pairs of shoes but that's it. Even her dresser drawers are full to the brim. Today when we went shopping, Siena stopped me from buying anything more. She laughed, "I have everything I've ever wanted, Mom. For my birthday, I just want $100 and I'll save it." Yikes, guilty as charged. I just love buying her clothes because she's just so dang cute. Siena is my talker, she has the memory of an elephant and she is incredibly perceptive. She makes me laugh. And sometimes she makes me want to pull all my hair out. She has the personality of ten children in one little body. She is craftsy, creative, and artistic. She loves to sew (I bought her a sewing machine), draw, and paint. She loves to help me cook and do the dishes. And she hates going to bed- ever. She fights it. I have a new rule: Once she's in bed, if she gets up, she doesn't get her iPad for three days. So far, it's helping.

And Morgan? I just bought a bin to put on the edge of her closet so she can pile all her winter boots in it. Last year, I thought Morgan was all set for clothes and she kept saying she had nothing. We finally went through her entire wardrobe and I realized that she really hated almost everything she owned. Nothing fit her right anymore, she didn't like the styles. We pitched almost everything but a few pairs of jeans and started all over again. She (and I) love her style. It is soft, pretty, stylish and completely "her." No skirts, but fun jeans and leggings, great tops and sweaters. And in the summer, hip shorts and beautiful tops and tanks-- much of which we picked up in Italy. We came back with so much clothing that I was really worried that there would be no space in our luggage to get it back. We did, but just barely. Since Italy, Morgan's makeup and hair has softened, too. The trip had a transformative effect on her (one reason I love to travel-- it changes you). She has blossomed. She is stunningly beautiful. She is just 4'11" and done growing but she glows. Her personality is engaging. She is kind and gracious, a great conversationalist, yet observant and, at times, quiet. She is such a great person. She loves going with me to my Friday appointments at Huntsman to get my Velcade injection and labs. She has made friends with several of the nurses, especially Mat and Kristen. They let her watch them access my port. She asks lots of questions. She wants to be a nurse or PA when she graduates from high school. She has developed a love of country music and wants a truck when she turns 16. She has many friends and they are great kids. I cross my fingers and knock on wood but I think she is going to turn out to be a great person.

And for me? I am on a quest to find the perfect black high wasted black cigarette pants. I haven't found them yet but I will. And I'm on a quest to be a great person, mom, friend, daughter and sister. Am I there? Of course not. I am a work in progress, but I love the Me Project. I love the journey. I love life, I embrace it.

As for health, I'm doing well. Except my eyes. Always a problem with those. Is it a side effect of the myeloma treatments? Perhaps. I didn't have this problem in Italy or California, but in Utah, it's awful. I want to claw my eyes out. They are scratchy and uncomfortable. I put tons of organic eye drops in them all day. I put Argan oil around my eyes. They start out ok in the mornings and progressively get more annoying. And my 20-20 vision is gone. I need 250 reading glasses to see anything. Oh well. I think I look smart in them.

I went on a first date last Thursday with a very nice boy. He is two years my junior and lives about 20 minutes from me. We are going out again on Thursday. He is very handsome and fun. The best thing about him is that he has a great, warm aura about him. He made me smile and laugh. I also have a first date with another guy on Monday evening. I am really loving being single again. I love the newness and promise that exiting a relationship when I was ready brings. I am really happy to have moved on. Absolutely no regrets. I learned so much during my time with William and I regret none of it. I also don't regret ending it either. It was time. One thing I've learned about me and relationships: I never know when I've come to the end until... I've come to the end. Even that surprises me. I will go through a relationship until one day, I'm just over it. And such is the case with this relationship, too. One day, I was just done. Interesting.

I have met so many friends as of late. I am staying very busy. I have a new very good friend. Katherine, who moved across the street. My BFFs Julie and Shane will be here with their kids tomorrow. Emmy will be here next week. My old BYU roomie Erin is here. And in a few weeks, we are heading to Bishop/Mammoth with another friend. I have my family around me. I am surrounded by love and I am so incredibly lucky. I think I might start tearing up. Yes, I'm sappy!