Thursday, August 14, 2014

Divorced Moms: Do I really want to marry again?

So last night, my daughters and a very cute guy went to dinner and a movie. As we were in line, guess who we ran into? My ex-boyfriend, William. Oddly enough, it wasn't awkward for me at all. I said hi, he said hello to the girls, and we went to our separate movies. Which was in-line with my article for today on Divorced Moms. How is it that I was able to end that relationship and feel... nothing. A little relief and curiosity. But no sadness, mourning or anger. Nothing. Zip. Because I wasn't in love. Not even close. Which makes me wonder if I am capable of falling in love. I didn't love Rob, my ex husband. Not one tiny bit. I didn't love William. But I was falling in love with "H",  a guy I dated for about two months prior to meeting William. There were red flags with H and I walked away. It was the right thing to do but I cried over it. So yes, I am capable of falling in love and one day, I will. Too picky am I? I don't think that's possible. Anyway, the rest of my thoughts are written in my latest article on Divorced Moms. Enjoy!

Do I really want to marry again?
by Lizzy Smith                    

August 14, 2014
wedding liz.jpg

I was sharing a soda with my friend, Fred, a few days ago and we were talking about relationships and dating again.  Unexpectedly he asked, “Do you really want to remarry?”

“Of course,” I answered without hesitating. “I believe in love and…” and I stopped. Did I?

During this long pause, Fred had a follow-up: “Because you’re such a free spirit.”

Me? A free spirit? I suppose I am, whatever that means. And having just exited a long-term relationship, I realize that, yet again, I’m really good at this whole “moving on” thing. If I can walk away from a boyfriend as painlessly as I just did, it begs the question: Am I able to feel that amazing, passionate, undying love that I feel I must have before I remarry?

After I gathered my thoughts together, I responded a little more eloquently. “I believe in finding love and The One. Of course I aspire to finding that connection and marriage makes it permanent. But I’d far rather be single and free and calling my own shots than in a bad marriage again.”

I actually loved being married. I mean, I hated my marriage. It was truly one of those horrific marriages that addiction brings. But I loved being in a partnership. I loved having a family. I loved my children having their dad in the same home. I loved having a home, throwing dinner parties, and, well, being a wife. I would like that again. But only if all the components are right.

Fred and I moved on to another topic. But since that conversation, I’ve been thinking a lot. Do I really want to remarry? And how important is getting married again to me?

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