Sunday, January 12, 2014

Penetrating my peace bubble

I always know it's going to be a great day when I need to speak to my attorney. Kidding. Anyhow, on Friday, I had a little chat with my divorce attorney. Though the divorce is final, my ex husband hasn't paid me a single penny of the money he owes me. Big surprise.

In case you're new to my blog, here's a little background. Rob the Great (Alcoholic) bullied me throughout our marriage and, after leaving him, when I stopped allowing the abuse to continue by cutting off all contact with him, he continued bullying me the only way he could: by withholding funds from me. Every single time without exception that he was required to pay money, he has paid late-- sometimes months and months late.

When Rob finally pays me the money he owes me, then I will be serving him with the next suit, which I will share with you once he gets the papers. The bummer is that this puts my entire timeframe off by at least a month, maybe even two. Litigation with this "man" is endless. Instead of serving him in November, like I had hoped, it won't be until probably March, which means that I won't be done with lawsuits until... who knows? Forever? And then the "fun" really will start up all over again. Sigh. I'll just put my helmet on and press forward.

Interesting sunglasses, I know. This was some of the swag we picked up at the travel expo.

And that's just fine. After the call with my attorney, I simply got in the car with William and we went to a travel expo where we researched our upcoming staycation options and planned the Italy trip in June. If that conversation had taken place, say, 18 months ago, I would've been having panic attacks. Yep, this is progress!

Which brings me to the point of this entire blog today. I have a friend, who I will call Kristen. Kristen is remarried and so is her ex husband. But her ex husband is about as abusive, if not more, than Rob. You'd think this guy would want to just enjoy the love of his wife and their happy home instead of tormenting the ex wife, but apparently that's not the case here. (If you ask me, there must be something very wrong going on in that home. But that's beside the point.) Kristen has shown me some of the texts and emails from this guy and they are, well, horrific. Finally, she told me, she sent him an email that said, basically, no more! If you need to contact me, send it through my attorney. Guess what? She's sleeping again at night.

"Oh, Kristen," I said. "You should have been reading my blog. In my opinion, when you're breaking it off with a narcissist, the only way to take control of your sanity is by cutting off contact with him." Sure, he'll find ways to continue tormenting her but if she just ignores it, it's not nearly as "fun" for him. And, truly, the court has remedies for assholes like that, she just has to be patient, which takes a lot of practice and deep yoga breathing and massages. But, at the end of the day, she'll be stronger for it.

I'll say that, for me, this entire experience has made me stronger. Threats of any type are just that-- threats. Meaningless, pointless, comical threats. No one gets to penetrate my peace bubble unless I decide to allow it. And, seriously, I don't think I'm afraid of anyone anymore. My experience with Rob has given me this groovy thick armor that is, really, well... impenetrable. Dare I say, it's kind of cool.

And that, my friends, is empowering.