Wednesday, January 1, 2014

And "this" is why I blog! (when your kids' dad sends letters like this, telling your side is a necessity)

When I left Rob, he promised to tell the girls what a horrible mother I was and how it was all my fault they were deprived of an amazing dad like him. While I was getting chemo and fighting for my life, he endlessly told me that when I died or when they were a little older, he'd give them an earful about me. So ensuring my voice was heard and my story was told was essential to me.

Just yesterday I was sifting through old documents for my lawsuit against Rob and I came across a copy of a letter Rob wrote to his then 16 year old daughter. I'm going to share portions of it with you. Reading it literally takes my breath away. It is so inappropriate and outrageous that I don't even know where to begin. But I'll let you come to your own conclusions. But it's because Rob is capable of stuff like this that I blog.

Dear K,

I have done nothing to deserve the way you've treated me in the past and are doing today. And you know it. I have no idea why you're acting out towards me the way you are. Trust me, I've searched my heart and soul and cannot understand it. ... And it's sad. you, sad for me, sad for everyone in this situation. But I also realized I can't change it and even if I could, I wouldn't. You are responsible for your actions and you'll need to live with how that impacts the relationships and your life, whether it be good or bad.

If your intent is to simply try and make me sad and unhappy, then that's a sad statement of where you are emotionally and intellectually. If your intent is to win some kind of game (a game that I'm not even playing with you), then that, too, is sad. If your intent is to try and make me sad and as miserable as you are inside, that's sad. ... Does it make sense to purposely, and without merit, be mean to and cut off the very people who could help you the most or be there for you when you need it? It's not a wise choice, K, and your belief that that's a good course of action shows your lack of maturity and life experience. If someone's advising you to behave this way, you ought to think long and hard why that is. It's simply inexplicable behavior on your part.

If you are looking to your mom as a role model in your life, please proceed very cautiously. No matter how you want to try and examine or justify it, she is not a positive role model. You may think she is but if you do, that's a very sad commentary on where you're going to find yourself in relationships .... I hope you turn out far differently than she has, although at this moment, I'm no so optimistic since she is your main influencer now. It's quite worrisome. ... .

I will always love you but your behavior and actions have hurt me immensely. Does that make you happy? I certainly hope not. But if it does, mission accomplished. If not and when you're ready to repair this relationship, I am always open to you. I will love your forever, no matter what. And don't ever forget that or believe otherwise. Despite what you might have been told, I have plenty of love in my heart for all my children, my wife, my family, and my friends. My love is not in limited supply, despite what you might have been told by someone else with ulterior motives of her own-- motives that your probably won't come close to comprehending until your are much older.

On my end, while I am deeply saddened and disappointed about your and my relationship, I am in a very good place. For the first time in my life, I have a very happy, healthy and loving relationship with my equal-- someone I adore and respect and who feels the same way about me. ...

I wish you the best in everything. I think you have a very long way to get there and, deny all you want, I think you know that. You have a lot of personal demons that you must confront and make peace with...

Dad