Monday, March 10, 2014

Life on Low Road

A few days ago, I was talking to a friend, Jane. I forwarded her a horrific email my that my ex husband, Rob the Great (Alcoholic) sent me just weeks after I had been diagnosed with cancer. I wanted Jane's opinion if I should publish it on my blog along with an "open letter"/rebuttal response. The email that I was going to republish was a message Rob's mother wrote and it was about me. I had left Rob and moved to Utah to get treatment for myeloma. In the email exchange, she called me a Princess, said that I had made my bed and now I needed to lie in it, and on and on. Not sure what she meant by "making my bed" other than "I deserved to get cancer and now that I decided not to sit around and be abused by her son anymore, I needed to suffer the consequences"...??? WTH. OK, moving on. Some day I probably will post that email just because one really needs to read it to get the full impact. It was shocking. Breathtaking. It shed a lot of light onto why Rob may be the way he is.

Jane, who knows Rob and his family, was stunned, too. But, she thought that if I were to take the High Road, I shouldn't publish it. I decided to refrain (for now). I can't say that I will forever because some day, I probably will put it out there.

Anyway... It got me thinking that, actually, I never said I was going to take the High Road when I decided blogging. In fact, just the opposite. The High Road is about silence. And I've chosen not to be silent. For better or worse, I've opened up my life and have decided to put it all out there. It's not for everyone but it is for me. After living in the shadows, in silence, and in shame, I decided not to be there anymore. Let others see what abuse and insanity looks like. I know there are so many others out there who are living it or lived it an escaped. And if someone disagrees with my approach, that's ok-- it goes with the territory.

Which isn't to say that Jane isn't wise. I have come to really appreciate and value her opinion. She is a wise person and sees things with a very different view than I do, which makes me value her opinions that much more.

Yesterday, William and I took the girls to the zoo and out to dinner. We purchased annual passes a few weeks ago and since the weather is so perfect, it's a great place to walk around and enjoy fresh air and vitamin D. When life throws curveballs and challenges, going to the simple things in life helps. Nature. Animals. Travel. Yes, travel. Nine more weeks and we're on a plane bound for Venice, Italy. When things make me sad, frustrated or angry, I just switch gears and think of something else. It works!