Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Divorced Moms column: Series Part 3 Marriage Hell: The Kids Are Not Alright

My latest in the series Marriage Hell on Divorced Moms.
Series Part 3 Marriage Hell: The Kids Are Not Alright
by Lizzy Smith
June 03, 2014
How the heck did I end up married to a man I didn't love and then allow him to abuse me? Good question. I write my story in an effort to try to understand it myself. Welcome to the series, “Marriage Hell.”
Fotolia_53037132_XS.jpgWhen Rob and I started dating, we raced forward with our relationship (a huge mistake, but hindsight is, as they say, 20-20). I was concerned about Morgan, my daughter who was seven years old at the time and in first grade. Was she alright with my dating? Post my divorce, I had dated two men: Dan and Tom. She knew Dan well and we spent a lot of time with him and his two daughters who were Morgan's age. We even traveled together. But beyond a simple hug, she never saw us be affectionate and she knew Dan simply as Mommy's friend. Morgan never met Tom until last summer, some two years after Rob and I split.
Now here was Rob, pushing hard to prove that he was the “real deal.” After several months, I told Morgan that Mommy was dating Rob. At first, she thought it really weird and then she got used to it. When Rob and I decided to buy the new house and we told her that we were getting married, she was ecstatic. In the few months Rob and I had dated, Rob and Morgan became very close. She loved him and she went to school and told her teacher that "My mom and I are getting married to Rob!" And she quickly called him Daddy. Morgan and Rob became inseparable. She loved to do all the things that Rob did-- diving off a boat, fishing, playing with lobsters and dead fish, you name it. And Rob loved Morgan. It literally melted my heart to see the two of them together. Their relationship is the one thing that held me together during my moments of panic and regret.
Rob's two daughters Kellie and Nicky? Well that was a very different story. First, Rob told me that his girls were fine with his dating again. He and his ex-wife, Tina, had separated in July, six months prior to our meeting, and Tina had a new boyfriend and everyone had moved on. As it turned out, that wasn't true. Tina had actually just moved out of their home a few weeks prior to our meeting and his girls were in deep emotional pain. In my defense, I had no idea. Completely clueless, I was or trust me, I would never in a million years have started dating this man. He lied to me and I simply took him at his word. Big Huge Mistake.