My latest Divorced Moms column is out! Enjoy.

7 Tips for Going Public with Your Divorce Story

April 03, 2014
By Lizzy Smith                            

You’re getting a divorce. Almost as hard as reaching that decision is making The Announcement to the world. Who should you tell and how should you tell it? There are those who say almost nothing. And then there are those (like me) who go public and say it all.

My journey to blogging and sharing my journey of marriage to an alcoholic, escape, and survival started a year ago. After I left my husband, he threatened to tell the children what a horrible person I was. He told mutual friends absolute lies about me (that I was a thief, a liar, was faking my cancer diagnosis just so I didn’t have to work, and so much more). I was trying to make sense of it all.

Keep reading...

My most embarassing moments

I was chatting with some girlfriends over lunch and the topic was our most embarrassing moments. I'll share the three stories that make my list simply because... well... I feel like it, that's why. Because owning my humiliation and shouting it from the hills seems like a great idea at the moment. So here goes...

1. I was 14 years old and visiting my friend, Amber, in Monterrey, California. One day, her dad took us to a waterslide park. It was very fun. Until I went down a slide, stood up in the pool at the end, I made my way to the steps and sidewalk. At that moment, Amber grabbed my arm. "Your top!" she shouted. I looked down and my entire swimsuit top was almost around my tummy. I was flashing the entire waterpark my very developed breasts. Not just for a second, but for quite awhile. I must have turned 50 shades of red. I wanted to leave. Horrified doesn't begin to describe my complete and total humiliation.

2. I was 38 years old and working at a very large company as a Assistant Vice President of Communications. One day I made my way to a hotel conference room for a leadership retreat. I left my car with valet and joined the meeting and then realized that I didn't leave my key in the car. I left to go to the valet desk, came back to the conference room, only to find the leadership team laughing out loud. "Ok, what is so funny?" I asked. One of the men I worked with said, "You forgot to turn your ringer on your cell phone off." Oh.My.Gosh. My ringtone happened to be one of my favorite songs, Promiscuous Girl by Nelly Furtado. In case you don't know the song, here's a sample:

Promiscuous girl, wherever you are
Im all alone and it's you that I want
Promiscuous boy, you already know
That Im all yours, what you waiting for?
 

That must have sounded really "telling" to my entire senior leadership team. I had to explain. "I love the song, that's it. It has nothing to do with me as a person," I stammered. For months (even longer) later, they still called me "Promiscuous Girl" -- and that was to my face. Lovely.

3. During my ex husband's father's memorial service, the priest, Father Joe, was in the middle of his prayer. And my phone went off. Loudly. To make matters worse, my handbag was a row behind where we were sitting. I had to jump up during the prayer, go to the row behind us, and fish around in my gigantic handbag, find my phone and turn the ringer off. I wanted to crawl into a very deep hole and stay there for a very long time. Ugh.

4. During my bald days following chemo, I wore wigs everywhere I went. When my hair started growing back, those wigs just didn't stay on my head as well as they did when I had no hair at all. One evening, my boyfriend, William, and I were snuggled up watching TV and my wig pulled off. By this time, however, I had become very comfortable with my "un-perfectness." William said, "Do you need to put your hair back on?" Um, yes I did! I didn't have enough hair on my head to be comfortable enough going with my natural look. It was just maybe eight weeks later and, at last, I was ready to ditch the wig and just be me-- short haired Lizzy.

Good for a chuckle at my expense, I hope! Today, I celebrate being alive, even if I am the butt of jokes at times. It's all ok.

Radio show recap: Long term effects of myeloma therapy on our bodies

The Cure Panel Talk Radio shows and support groups are fantastic. The latest topic was the long term effects of myeloma therapy on our bodies. It was hosted by my fellow myeloma warriors Pat Killingsworth, Gary Petersen, and Sandy Hirsch.  To listen to the show, click here: http://curepanel.carefeed.net/event/rsvp/28/



Myeloma, while highly treatable, is tough to fight. It is time consuming and exhausting. I sometimes get tired with going to clinic every Friday. I get tired of getting my Thalidomide prescription filled every month. I get tired of filling one prescription after the next. I am tired of being fatigued. For example, I usually get my fatigue days on Sunday or Monday. But not this week. I felt great. But it hit me yesterday (Tuesday). I took two naps and it wasn't enough. It makes planning things difficult. And when I do make plans and I experience extreme fatigue, I push through it and carry on. But it is not fun and it takes the joy right out of the experience.

There are also real long term effects of these drugs. They cause secondary cancers, neuropathy, muscle loss, weight gain, and so much more. Many of the drugs are immune suppressing, so we are prone to illnesses and infections more than the general population. It takes courage and strength to fight this disease. Just a few days ago, I received a comment to an article I wrote for the www.myelomacrowd.org site, 10 Things You Shouldn't Say to a Cancer Survivor:

So pleased I read your article today. It has given me the courage I needed to keep fighting this horrible disease. I am on maintinence treatment for multiple myeloma. After going through all the intense treatment I feel Lost, still suffering effects of the trial treatment it seems never ending, but what would happen without it? Thank you so much and all my best wishes to you. Beryl Torn

It is a long battle, but at least we have many weapons at our disposal. Lucky? In many respects, yes. And grateful.

Latest Divorced Moms column: An Interview With My (Very Smart) Teen Daughter

My latest Divorced Moms column is out!

An Interview With My (Very Smart) Teen Daughter

March 31, 2014 

By Lizzy Smith                            

Girls and middle school are a bad mix. They can be so vicious and catty to each other that it boggles the mind. I remember those years all too well and, yikes. And now that I have a teen daughter of my own (and another on her heels), just watching her try to navigate these difficult years gives me nightmares. I’m doing my best to crawl inside her head and understand what’s going on in there so I can be a better mom. How do I motivate her, help her, support her, and keep her safe?

In general, we are really close. We talk a lot, spend loads of time together, and I try to listen. I do my best not to lecture and preach. I want her to know that, no matter what, I will always be her biggest ally, fan and champion.

As I was talking to a friend about parenting and teens, I had a thought. Why don’t I ask my daughter what she thinks we parents ought to know. Since I think she is smart and insightful, she is my subject matter expert. So I wrote out a list of questions and handed it to her with a pen. She said she loved filling it out. I thought I’d share.

Keep reading...

Recap of Cure Panel Talk Radio Show featuring Dr Orlowski

Last Friday, I participated in the Cure Panel Talk Radio Show in which the featured guest was Dr. Robert Z. Orlowski, MD, PhD-- the Director of Myeloma, and Professor of Medicine in the Departments of Lymphoma/Myeloma and Experimental Therapeutics, Division of Cancer at the University of Texas MD Anderson in Houston, Texas. It was a fascinating interview. One of the most exciting things I heard was that a new treatment is, perhaps, a year or so away. This approach will include boosting the patient's immune system so that it recognizes the myeloma cells and kills them. Wow-- using our own immune system to naturally fight these killer cells? Sounds great to me! You can listen to the recap right here: http://www.curepanel.carefeed.net/event/rsvp/20/

Interview with my eight year old

I just posted an article to Divorced Moms in which I interviewed my teen daughter. Not to be upstaged by her older sister, I also interviewed my eight year old daughter. I am posting that interview here. Siena is one amazing child. She is funny, smart, has the memory of an elephant, and incredibly perceptive. Interviewing her was very fun. It took us forever to get through the questions because we just started talking about all kinds of things and we got sidetracked. Siena is quite the chatterbox. Anyway, here goes:

Lizzy: What do you think is really fashionable?
Siena: A tank top, cute shorts, and a fashion sweatshirt.

Lizzy: What is your curfew and should you have one?
Siena: 8:30 is my curfew and I don't think I should have one on the weekends.

Lizzy: What is the coolest thing about your life?
Siena: Having the best mom in the world. And Morgan my sister. Being able to see my grandpa and grandma every day. And I've been to a lot of places and trips.

Lizzy: What are the best places you've ever been?
Siena: Estonia, Paris, and Russia. I also love going to Long Beach. I want to go to Julie and Shane's house right now!

Lizzy: What do you and your friends talk about the most?
Siena: Play dates

Lizzy: Where is your favorite place to go shopping?
Siena: Justice

Lizzy: What is the biggest issue facing girls your age?
Siena: Meanies. Fighting with my sister.

Lizzy: If you could change one thing about your life what would it be?
Siena: To be skinnier (ugh! already????). To have a dream house with eight levels: one for an art room, a gymnastic room, an elevator, piano room, a TV room, a soccer room to play with Morgan and a reading room.

Lizzy: If you hit the lottery and one ten million dollars, what would you buy?
Siena: A pink car, a car for my mom, and give everyone in my family $100.

Lizzy: If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be?
Siena: Toys R Us

Lizzy: What's the hardest thing you've ever had to cope with?
Siena: Falling on the treadmill and getting hurt.

Lizzy: What would you like to say to bullies?
Siena: Stop it or I will tell my mom.

Lizzy: How many selfies do you take a day?
Siena: 50 because I like to be silly.

Lizzy: What would you like to tell moms about girls your age?
Siena: We are smart and talented and if you pay attention you will see it. My talent is hoola hooping.

Lizzy: How do you think moms can be better moms?
Siena: Get off your phones!

Lizzy: What is the worse punishment you've ever had?
Siena: I've never had a punishment from my mom. (cute, so not true but so sweet that she said that_

I always know it's time for a new season when...

I always know that it's time for a change of season when I look in my closet and can hardly stomach wearing the same clothes. Spring is here and it's official-- I hate every single item of winter clothes and shoes that I own. Of course, I thought the same of my summer clothes when fall arrived. I was so happy to stop wearing my shorts and sundresses and pull out my jeans and sweaters. And now those jeans and sweaters make me almost gag.

We have had such an easy winter in Utah this year. Hardly any snow. I almost never wore a coat. But it's definitely time for flip flops and heat. And, in the typical Lizzy fashion, just thinking about spring and summer put me in a spending mode.

So on Thursday, I dragged William to the shops. Good sport that he is, he sat patiently in the big overstuffed chairs outside the dressing room while I tried on one outfit after the next while he gave me the thumbs up or thumbs down. Afterwards, we got some lunch and, later that evening, went to see a movie. But I was still heady from the shopping experience. So later that night, I hopped back online and continued. I keep thinking, "How will this look in Italy?" I seriously need to stop. I really try to love every day but, truth is, I can't wait to get on a plane and go on vacation. Less than eight weeks!

On Friday, I went to my weekly injection appointment and chatted it up with the people who've been caring for me since I moved to Utah to seek treatment. I love these people, I really do. They aren't just my nurses and PA's-- they've become my friends and I care about them immensely. I owe my life to them and sometimes I tear up just thinking about it.

I also met a woman in Utah who is also a Huntsman patient. Jenny and I are going to meet up with her on Friday for lunch.

Overall, my energy level has been good this past week. I'm exhausted simply because I can't sleep, not because I've had the terrible Dex-crashes that I hate. I have had almost no fuzziness either. I hesitate writing that because whenever I do, it seems the fatigue week is just around the corner. Nonetheless, it is what it is.

The one drag is... another bladder infection. These lovely drugs leave me immune compromised and, while I've been fortunate to stave off all the really bad illnesses, I always have a cold or a ... something... and this time, it's a bladder infection. Luckily I've got a stash of drugs for that- I'm not sure I even need to rush off to urgent care. I'm getting really good and figuring this all out on my own (sort of).

So happy Spring. I love the newness that Spring represents. A rebirth. Re-emerging from the slumber of winter. Sun, fresh, renewal, healing. The smells of flowers and fruits and citrus. Yellow and apple green. More light. Fresh air. Healing and peace. Hopeful.