Verbal Abuse Via Text. Another Crazy Exchange with Rob the Great Alcoholicc

Here is my latest column via Divorced Moms. Happy Labor Day weekend, my dear readers!

Lizzy

Alcoholism Hell. A Text "Conversation" With My Drunk Abusive Ex Hubby
By Lizzy Smith                   

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September 05, 2016

During my marriage to Rob the Great (Alcoholic), I was often left scratching my head on how we could be getting along one minute and the next – bam! – we would get in the biggest arguments one could imagine. Of course, looking back on my life married to a drunk, it was the alcoholic. Unstable, mean, makes no sense at all, world of alcoholism.

Flash forward to today, I am happily divorced from The Drunk and have rebuilt my life. I still struggle with my health (myeloma, a blood cancer) and try to be a good mom (even though I too often fail). But at least I’m away from the severe abuse that accompanies an addict.

And so after four years of not speaking, texting or emailing Rob, and his total abandonment of two daughters, he reappeared in February, texting and calling the girls on a regular basis. I was happy and relieved. I prayed often begging God that he would stick around this time. I was hopeful. He invited Mo (our 16 year old) out to San Diego to spend five days with him, he bought her a plane ticket. This was happening!

About a week before “Mo’s” scheduled departure, I got a text from Rob. My heart stopped. Because his communications would often send me into anxiety attacks. They could be so brutally mean and awful. And going back and reading this exchange, I had proof right in front of me that perfectly illustrates my point that Rob was and still is explosive and unpredictable. And a drunk (his many promises to quit drinking have not happened—he is as awful as ever). Words are powerful, especially in the written form, because you can come back to them. And here it goes snippets of our text exchange… (some edits were made to get rid of typos)

August 3, 11:02 AM from Rob to me (Rob is likely sober at this time of day)

Sorry to hear [you are sick]. I did not know [that]. Take care.

My note: Back when I was diagnosed with Stage III multiple myeloma, I told Rob about my diagnosis. He filed outrageous documents with Family Court saying that I wasn’t sick, that I needed to get back to work, and I was making this all up to get sympathy from people. I filed letters from my oncologist – letters that Rob received copies of letters from my oncologist that detailed my health status. Still, Rob denied I was sick, and told mutual friends and his family that I was just trying to get his money. It was disgusting.

From me to Rob
“I’ve been sick for 4.5 years! And I’m in Washington, DC often in a clinical trial at NIH. You know I’ve been sick.

From Rob to me
I didn’t mean to upset you. Last I read about it. You were in remission. That was years ago. I don’t go on social media and only know what I last saw. Now I know. I’m hopeful the trials go well and you recover. Take care.

My note: Maybe there is hope that Rob and I can get along. Maybe he has grown a soul. Cross fingers, crossing fingers. Pray.

It is now 4:19 PM when Rob reappears via text. By now, he has likely been at a bar for over an hour. He often leaves work really super early, takes his work phone and answers emails so his boss and coworkers think he’s still “working.” Instead, he is typically getting wasted. Seriously, some of his “best friends” are bartenders and cocktail waitresses. It’s so sad. Luckily, he works for a utility company and it’s nearly impossible to get fired. The most incompetent employees get promoted or shuttled off to another department so he becomes someone else’s problem.

4:19 PM text from Rob to me
Where is the new dad? (Referring to my husband of about a year)

Keep reading...

Bully me? Ok, TRY IT!

I haven't written in awhile because: 1) my kids are out of school for the summer and I didn't have time; 2) my myeloma relapsed and I've been in more doctor's offices than I can count and is it ever time consuming; 3) I was trying to make peace with my ex husband, Rob the Great (Alcoholic). But I am back! Mostly because Rob has given me so much fresh content and it's so unbelievable crazy that I have to share. Trust me, living among an alcoholic is one of the most AWFUL experiences one can imagine. And the things an alcoholic is capable of doing is stunning and limitless. So here's to writing again, sharing my story, and hopefully letting others out there know that they are not alone.


Open Letter To The Biggest Asshole on the Planet, My Ex Husband
By Lizzy Smith
                   

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August 28, 2016

Many women think their ex is Satan. And maybe he is. But my ex is a special evil kind of man. The lowest of the low. A liar. A bully. And a drunk.

When I got a cancer diagnosis, he literally spit in my face. He is so disgusting, there are truly no words.

When my ex (Rob the Great [Alcoholic]) and I split, he vanished from our two daughters' lives. I mean, he totally disappeared-- no birthday cards, phone calls or texts. He literally shattered their hearts. They didn't understand why. They blamed themselves. It was HORRIBLE. For four years, silence. He blamed it on my blog but this man vanished from their lives some 10 months before I wrote a single word about him.

And then, out of the blue, in February he started calling and texting the girls almost every day. We were all stunned. Why now? What was his motive? My oldest was very guarded in her communication with him, terrified he would just vanish again. Eventually, though, they started warming up to him. A few months later, he invited our oldest daughter, "Mo", to visit him for five days in San Diego and he offered to pay her flight and all their activities. It was a scary but an exciting invite so we said yes. I was truly supportive of their rebuilding their relationship.

About a week before Mo's departure, Rob started texting me with all kinds of bizarre demands, which I will detail later. All of these demands included "if you don't do xyz, I will cut the girls out of my life again." One "request" included my putting in writing that I would end my friendship with his ex wife, Tina (we are great friends), and his two daughters until HE decided I could have a relationship with them again.

Say what? What are we, ten years old? Hell no, I would NOT agree to that because The Drunk does NOT dictate my adult friendships. Another request required Mo helping perpetuate a Big Huge Myth of Rob's real living situation. Those details I will write about later, too. I told Mo that we don't lie or help others lie- ever - and she could say and do anything that was in her good judgement regardless of what Rob was demanding.

All this aside, I was as nice and accommodating with Rob as I could be. I thanked him. I told him how happy Mo was. I did not want to trigger a Rob explosion because, trust me, they are bizarre and frightening. I even fantasized that maybe Rob and I could maintain a decent relationship for the girls' sake. Maybe this was a whole new dynamic and we could do this. We could be adults, move forward. Rainbows and flowers. One could hope, right?

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Game On! I'm back and ready to FIGHT

Game On! After An Epic Meltdown, I've Come Back Swinging
by Lizzy Smith for Divorced Moms                   

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July 16, 2016

Last week, I got some frightening news. A new drug that I started taking to keep my cancer markers in check had failed. My blood work was wonky. And I had a total meltdown. I sat in my oncologist's office looking shell-shocked as we discussed Plan B-- a new drug cocktail.

And that is my life since discovering that I had multiple myeloma in January 2012, a blood cancer. I am always on some sort of treatment combo and the side effects can range from almost nothing to intense fatigue and everything in between. I've always stayed positive (yes, pretty much ALWAYS, with very few exceptions) in this battle. I will win it. I will not succumb. My treatments might suck at times, I need a lot of patience, but I'll be ok.

Except Monday. I wasn't feeling anything positive. In fact, what I did feel was total panic and fear. And for the first time since that pivotal diagnosis, I started taking anti-anxiety medications. I started out with one Xanax. And then two. And then I moved on to Ativan, and then another, and another. By the time the day was nearly over, I was in a stupor. Because without those pills, I could not overcome one wave of massive anxiety after the next. I felt like I was having a heart attack. I wanted to RUN. But where would I go? And what would that change? I needed to confront my situation and somehow ... survive it.

I thought about all the articles I've written about combatting stress and anxiety. Baths with Epsom salts. Essential oils. Massage. A hike up a beautiful canyon. A lunch with my girlfriends... NONE of those would have worked and, honestly, at that moment, I felt so arrogant and stupid. How could I tell anyone to stay off medications and take a bath instead? How innocent and un-relatable I must have sounded to those in the throws of true depression or suffering from PTSD.

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I had severe anxiety yesterday. And I popped (many) pills

Throughout my myeloma battle, I have to admit that I've been quite the brave, amazing, fearless warrior. A rock star. Go.Fight.WIN!!!! And when I have a bad day, I'd go... get a massage, take a hike, go on a fabulous trip, or buy some new clothes. Whatever. I was a MYELOMA SURVIVOR and, heck, I DESERVED everything I wanted RIGHT THAT MINUTE.

And then there was Thursday, learning that my numbers, while declining (I thought was a GREAT thing???), could not mean anything at all. It could mean... relapse, refractory, response to Daratumumab, or whatever in between (take your pick). Sure, new meds and new protocols are available and all this can be expected in this long journey... but I AM TIRED OF THINKING ABOUT MYELOMA.

And I had a SEVERE anxiety attack, actually, one anxiety attack after another. They came in rolls. One would stop, the next one kicked in. It felt...

-like I couldn't breathe
-like I was having a heart attack
-I was in the middle of a nightmare for which there was no escape
-I wanted to crawl out of my skin and go somewhere else and hide (this was impossible and fixes nothing anyway)
-I wanted to just... be... nothingness. (Not suicidal, but I needed it to vanish, to disappear, to be someone else, with someone else's problems.)

So I pulled out my trusty Ativan. And I took one. Then two. Then four.

And I called my doctor's office, which prescribed me something with a Z and I took that, too. And then I took another. And, wow, was I pill drunk. It felt... good? Calming? These Mormons have it right. They won't drink beer or wine but, hey, as long as they're prescribed narcotics, it's just FINE!!! Swollow-away, you righteous minion! Pills have their advantages-- fewer calories. No puking. Same effect. AND HEALTH INSURANCE CUTS DOWN ON THE COSTS!

I texted my PA at my doctor's office to say that the labs that I was due for on Sunday? Not showing up. Because I don't feel like it. Because I am TIRED of hearing about myeloma. All I want to do is crawl in a ball and hide and swallow pills, which don't do as great a job as I might hope (hey, I was still coherent enough, gosh dangit, to have that conversation, though my words were quite slurred). And wow, that really freaked her out. She wanted to call the police because she thought I was suicidal. NO I AM NOT, I wanted to SCREAM. I am pill-drunk. And I am fatigued of FOUR YEARS of living in Myeloma Hell and I am tired of them, too.

Last night, the girls and I slept at my parents' home. Actually, I passed out cold on my parents' couch. My hubby, Bill, is rushing home from Seattle where he was at for a week for the birth of his second grandbaby. And I am typing away, getting ready to shower, hung over as hell, and wanting this fog to vanish. Or do I want it to vanish? Lucidity at point, is kind of over-rated. I rather like the loopy "not sure where I'm at at this moment or why" feeling. I suppose addicts and alcoholics hit up substances for a reason. I GET IT!!

And this is my BIGGEST PITTY PARTY to date in the 4.5 years since diagnosis. Let's sum it up-- diagnosis in January 2012 (of which my then-husband accused me of LYING about it), three stem cell transplants, hospital stays, a wicked divorce,-- stress, stress, stress. I handled it all with those two boxing gloves on. Hitting hard. Warrior. Strong, Resilient. WINNER.

Oh, Lord, let that Lizzy return soon.

Well-- I just bought a new dress and am hoping to drive into the canyons with my daughters today to get some lunch... A good sign? I hope so! And I'm really trying to focus on my future trip plans, which MYELOMA BETTER NOT TRY TO TAKE AWAY FROM ME.

xoxo,

Lizzy

Not Shoving "Square" Children Into "Round" Holes

I just got back from Long Beach where I went to my best friend's sister-in-law's memorial. I am so lucky to have such close friends. I really think that few people are blessed with friends like I have in Julie and Shane. We have been through a lot together. I trust them with my life, and the lives of my children. How awesome is that? And as we gathered for Sherri's memorial, it was amazing to be surrounded by so much love. Nothing in my life matters more to me than the relationships I have with others. I am finally, at long last, living the life I always wanted. Surrounded by people I love and trust, traveling, and working on issues I am passionate about (cancer, health and wellness, and survivorship). Cancer sucks. I hate it. I wish I never had to deal with it. But life handed this to me and there have been upsides. I hope to high heaven that those of you who are healthy never need to get a devastating health diagnosis to do the same.

Peace and love,
Lizzy

She May Not Live The Life I Pick For Her. And So What?
By Lizzy Smith
                   

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June 14, 2016

I have learned so much about me and life in general in my grown-up years. I thought I had it all figured out and then - bam! - another Life Lesson hits me smack in the face. I wish I could get a re-do but since I can't, I can try to take my life's learnings and incorporate them into my daily grind. Because if I don't, what's the point?

The latest is this past weekend. I flew to Long Beach for the memorial gathering of my friend who just passed away from ovarian cancer. Over the course of five days, I hung out with people who are like my family. One afternoon, my best friends (who are married) Julie, Shane, two of their daughters and I drove to Huntington Beach and went to a Farmer's Market. There were some very interesting people selling their fruits and veggies, organic herbs, various oils, and services that ranged from acupuncture to hypnotism and everything in between. I talked to one woman who was particularly fascinating, with her long flowing hair and skirt. A free spirt, she was. Well traveled, educated, and living a life that did not include windowless office cubicles and hours sitting in traffic every day (not that there is anything wrong with that!). I envied her. How come she got to travel the globe and live a life I envied and I didn't?

Later that day, Julie and I talked about The Meaning of Life. She and her husband have recently made some super huge life changes, which include selling their house and most of their furniture and downsizing in a ginormous way. Not only did shedding all that "stuff" save them a lot of money, but it also saves them a ton of time taking care of it all.

"When you and Sherri got sick, I realized that I was living a life I didn't want," Julie said. "I want to travel and live. I do not want all the trappings anymore. I don't think I ever did." Julie and I are so similar in this respect (which is why we are best friends)-- we both are on a quest to see the world, as much of it as possible RIGHT NOW. We want to create memories and strengthen relationships. How did I end up so off course for so long?

Expectations. That's why.

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The Lion, The Gazelle & The Pesky Myeloma Cell. I can't wait for a cure, can you?

I am really proud of this post because it is a very hard topic to explain (high risk myeloma disease). Plus I am in the video below!

The Lion, the Gazelle & the Pesky Myeloma Cell. High Risk Disease and What to Do About It

By Lizzy on June 3, 2016 Life With Multiple Myeloma, Myeloma 101, Myeloma Crowd Research Initiative

BY LIZZY SMITH for Myeloma Crowd

Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up.
It knows it must run faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed.

Every morning a lion wakes up.
It knows it must outrun the slowest gazelle
or it will starve to death.

Not long ago, I heard Dr Rafael Fonseca of Mayo Clinic in Scottsdale, Arizona use this analogy when describing myeloma cells and, especially, the myeloma cells that survive treatment.

Dr Fonseca said something like this:

The lion knows that he doesn’t need to be the fastest, he just needs to be faster than the slowest gazelle. And, likewise, the gazelle knows that he doesn’t need to be the fastest gazelle in the heard to survive, he just needs to not be the slowest.

And so the contest between the lion and the gazelle begins, which is a lot like the contest we patients wage against bad cells when we discover we have myeloma.

Think of myeloma cells as a big huge heard of gazelles. For this analogy, the gazelles are bad, they are cancer, and we need to kill them.

Think of this heard of gazelles as myeloma cells. They are BAD!

The lion is the treatment being used, like bortezomib or melphalan. The lions are unleashed and they start picking off the gazelles in grand fashion. Lots and lots of gazelles. Even better, doctors unleash a heard of lions by combining drugs, so the lions might be named Bortezomib, Melphalan and Dexamethasone… Together, they are far more powerful than alone.

See these lions? For this analogy, lions are GOOD. They are the medications and treatments used to pick off the bad gazelles. We will name these three lions Bortezomib, Melphalan and Dexamethasone.

And when the lions are done, there are still gazelles left. They are hiding– quiet and undetected. And those gazelles are the smartest, fastest, and wiliest of the bunch. They are also typically the most aggressive, mutated and hardest to find of them all (remember, they survived the lions). Sooner or later, they will breed and be back. This time, we’ll need fresh combinations of lions– new lions who are smarter and faster than those gazelles.

After Bortezomib, Dexamethasone and Melphalan are done, some gazelles survive. And they are the smartest sneakiest, and evilest of the bunch. Sooner or later, they will reproduce and come back in full force, stronger and more resilient.

A new, better arsenal of drugs, therapies or combinations is needed.

Better yet, a cure!

Such is the nature of myeloma, and why myeloma patients who may not begin as “high risk” will eventually have high risk disease as time progresses.

So now what?

And this is why we must find new treatments, better protocols and a cure. The time is now; we cannot wait. The Myeloma Crowd Research Initiative is funding two promising clinical trials that may be cures. These trials are launching now. But in order for these trials to stay on track, we need your help.

What can you do?

• Consider supporting the Myeloma Crowd Research Initiative (MCRI) by starting a fundraising page. It is easy and takes just minutes. Click here to get started. Next, share your fundraising page with family and friends via email, Facebook, Twitter or any other social media you use. Ask them to donate to your page. Small amounts add up fast.
• Make a donation in any amount to the MCRI effort. Simply click here. Or you can mail a check to Myeloma Crowd/CrowdCare Foundation, 3315 Mayflower Ave, Suite 1, Lehi, UT 84043.

The Myeloma Crowd is a registered 501(c)3 non-profit. Tax ID 45-5354811. Your donation is fully tax deductible to the full extent of IRS guidelines.

I am a myeloma patient diagnosed in January 2012. I am 48 years old with two children ages 16 and ten who need me. I want to be here for them, to raise them, to be there for weddings and grandchildren. I have a new husband and a full life ahead of me. I cannot idly wait for someone else to do the work to cure me. I want to speed this process along. My life and the lives of other myeloma patients depend on it.

Please join me in getting involved in our own care. I promise you that it is empowering to know that we can be part of the solution. And, besides, I can’t wait for a cure. Can you?

Read the original article here.

Donate or Build Your Own Fundraising Page

The case for living life NOW

Sheri is the woman sitting to the right of me (I'm wearing the pink T and white skirt). This photo was taken three years ago when I had flown out to Long Beach to attend my best friend Julie's dad's funeral. It was a weekend filled with all kinds of emotions: mourning, sadness and love. My hair was still short-- just growing back from my own cancer battle (multiple myeloma) and the two stem cell transplants (and massive chemo that went along with it). One evening, we moms took our kids to Knott's Berry Farm and while they were on the rides, we hung out. Sheri died yesterday from ovarian cancer.


This is Sheri about six months ago when we thought she would beat her cancer.

Profanity alert: FUCK YOU CANCER. You are evil and hateful and some day, we will BEAT YOUR FUCKING ASS INTO SUBMISSION.

My best friend Julie's sister-in-law, Sheri, died yesterday from ovarian cancer. She was diagnosed 15 months ago and fought a very hard battle. She did chemo, had surgery, got sepsis, almost died on the operating table. And each time, she fought back. It was a miracle. Perhaps she'd beat it. And then she didn't.

Truth: "Life is normal, until it's not." My life, too, was "normal" and then it wasn't. And since that day where my life took that dramatic, scary, awful turn, I never looked back. I ran to safety (my parents' home) and fought cancer and fought to build a new and better life. And each day, I swear to you, I do my best to LIVE. I treat people the best way I can. I really put myself out there to help others, even when it's not comfortable or convenient. I cut out people who are toxic. And I run towards... love, fun, peace, and meaning.

I am flying to Long Beach next week to hang with people who are more than "friends." They, too, are my beloved family. I want to be with them and mourn with them. I cannot be here living life like it's normal when it isn't. Not right now.

One thing I've learned is that life does carry on. Even in the darkest depths of grief and sorrow, life continues. People go out to eat, laugh, go to work, watch TV, pick up the kids... Everywhere around me, life is moving forward. Nothing stops when our world stops or ends. And sooner or later, we crawl out of our dark place and join the living because what is the option?

And that's where I travel, write, be with friends, and nap. The glorious, luxurious nap. I've started building time in for a nap nearly every day. I love "my time" in the afternoon, channel surfing until I fall asleep with the soft noise in the background. I read, I learn, I try to improve myself. I walk outdoors, sometimes alone, sometimes with my husband or a friend. I laugh and shop. Today, I am waiting for my friend Madi who will be here in a few minutes and we are walking along the beautiful trail behind our homes that follows the Jordan River. We reconnect, we embrace life until the moment we can't. And when that happens, all we have are the memories we created and the relationships we've made. The impressions we've made with others, and how we've made the world or someone's life a little better.

And that is the meaning of (my) life.

My latest via Divorced Moms is here. And now, my advice to you: TODAY do something you LOVE and something that MATTERS to you in a BIG way.

Peace and Love,

Lizzy

Find Joy & Happiness NOW. Life is Too Precious & Short to Wait
BY LIZZY SMITH for Divorced Moms                   

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June 02, 2016

I say this all the time because it is true: "We carry on with our lives until one day, one second, everything changes." Just.Like.That. One second and life will never be the same again. It can come with warning (“I’m unhappy, I want a divorce, and I’m moving out.”) or without (“You have cancer.”). It can be an unexpected death, the discovery of an affair, a devastating diagnosis, making the decision to cheat on your husband, or getting in an accident.

Today, I got the very sad news that my friend Sheri died. She was just 50 years old. Some 15 months ago, Sheri was diagnosed with Stage IV ovarian cancer. She had surgery, radiation and chemo. For a time, we thought she would beat it. And then she took a turn for the worse about a month ago. This time, hope was fading until there was none left.

Life for me, too, was chugging along at an expected pace. I was working, married with kids, and had all the entrapments consistent with that life—a mortgage, a long commute, 15 days of vacation... And then, “You have cancer.” Just like that, nothing was ever the same again.

So today, while I mourn the passing of my friend, and while I know I’ll be shedding loads of tears, I turn to the biggest advice I can give anyone: LIVE. Life is so short and precious. If you are in a bad marriage, leave it. If your boyfriend is an asshole, ditch him. If you have friendships that aren’t healthy, end them. If you hate your job, your city, your house, or your life, start changing it. It can be incredibly hard and overwhelming. Where to begin? Baby steps, one day at a time. Try this:

1. Write out what changes you want to make in your life
2. Prioritize which changes are most important to you. Pick the ones that will make the biggest impact (i.e. divorce, sell the house, stop eating sugar). In fact, you might just want to pick one.
3. Make sure the changes you write out are specific (sell the house) and actionable. Goals that are too broad usually never happen. For example, if your goal is to “get healthier,” be more specific. Fill in this blank, “I want to get healthier by_______________.” It could be eating five servings or fresh organic fruits and veggies each day, eating out at restaurants less than once per week, exercising a minimum of 30-minutes per day six days per week, and getting at least eight hours of sleep per night. Now that is something you can write out on a checklist, post on your bathroom mirror, and do! (If you’re committed enough.)
4. Make out a detailed list on how to accomplish your goals and start (literally) checking them off.

Since this is for divorced women (or those considering a divorce), I’ll pick “Ditch My Guy” as an example. This could be your husband or boyfriend. Here are some things that should make your list:

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It's the "official" summer kick-off weekend! My biggest advice? Wear sunscreen!!!

My latest via Divorced Moms. It's all about sunscreen and it's really super important, especially for the cancer patient. Those cancer drugs can make is incredibly sun-sensitive and a sunburn can cause incredibly dangerous side-effects than can even mimic graft-vs-host disease. This is no laughing matter. So before you head out for the day, put that sunscreen on. Wear a hat and a great pair of sunglasses. (BTW: hats and sunglasses are literally my favorite fashion accessories these days, maybe even more than a handbag. So have fun with it!)

It's The Start of Summer! Now Stay (Sun) Safe With These Tips
by Lizzy Smith for Divorced Moms                    

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May 28, 2016

Standing above Lake Nicaragua, about a two hour drive from Grenada. It was so hot and humid. Considering it was freezing cold back home in Utah and I had spent 25 days without leaving my hospital room, I was in heaven. The heat and fresh air was a Godsend. It was healing-- mentally, physically and emotionally. Dang I deserved this trip!

I recently came across a shocking study from the Journal of the American Academy of Dermatology’s:  most Americans do not know how to properly apply sunscreen. You can read it here.  Even those with a history of skin cancer are not as savvy as one might think.

Ok, I guess I am a bit guilty of this, too. While I'm really committed to putting sunscreen on often, I sometimes forget about my children. When we were in Costa Rica and Nicaragua several weeks ago, my 16-year old wanted to get a good tan. I argued with her incessantly about putting on enough sunscreen. She did, but after awhile, I gave up and let her be responsible. She came home looking like a leper. She was peeling on her face and she looked frightening. She was self-conscious about it, too. Thank goodness we had three days before she had to return to school and the worst of it was over. Still, we both learned a lesson-- applying sunscreen properly and often was not debatable.
However you look at it, getting a sunburn is bad. It's bad for the skin, good for skin cancer, and it hurts. Avoid this at all cost.

A few summers ago, I went on vacation to Washington, DC and it was literally 105 degrees, sunny and humid. I never left my hotel room without a hat on my head and an umbrella. I also reapplied sunscreen multiple times throughout the day. I remember one afternoon standing an hour outside on a hot sidewalk under the blazing sun waiting to get into the National Archives. I purchased that small umbrella from a street vendor and it was a lifesaver! I carried it with me during the rest of the trip and, these days, if I know I'm going to be walking in the sun, an umbrella is in my backpack ready to be used at a moment's notice.

In summary, make sure you get outdoors and enjoy the weather (this is good for you!) but stay in the shade and perhaps do your outdoor activities in the mornings or evenings when the sun is at its weakest. Also, consider wearing protective clothing, like swimsuits with rash-guards, hats, sunglasses and tops with sleeves. And never leave the house or hotel room without properly sunscreening.

Benefits of sun exposure
There are numerous benefits to some sun exposure. First, we get fresh “real” vitamin D. The warmth and light of the sun is also a natural mood booster. (Got depression? Get outdoors, get some natural sunlight, and see if you don't feel a bit better "that fast.") Personally, I am a big fan of summer for these reasons. I love going for walks and hikes, hanging out poolside or at the beach with my kids, and reading a good book on my deck. But… I also use precautions. Gone are the days that I visit tanning salons (I cannot believe I used to do this regularly), use baby oil as a sun enhancer, and spend hours laying out during maximum sun intensity (typically between 11A-2P). I used to go on beach-type vacations and pretty much ruin them because my number one priority was making sure I went home with a Big Huge Impressive Tan instead of doing fun stuff. Dear Lord, how dumb. These days, I nearly always wear a hat, sit under an umbrella or in the shade, don sunglasses that block out UVA and UVB rays, and apply sunscreen liberally. I still manage to get tan but I can’t tell you the last time I burned (or even got pink). Hooray!

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Jenny Ahlstrom & Lizzy Smith are featured in The Daily Herald - Let's CURE myeloma!

Jenny and I were the COVER story in The Daily Herald talking about our fight to beat myeloma AND to help find a cure. Read on. Now let's get to work!

Myeloma patients in Utah take curing cancer in their own hands

Braley Dodson Daily Herald - May 6, 2016    

 

Michelle Clough, RN, administers a chemotherapy injection to treat Lizzy Smith's multiple myeloma on Thursday, May 5, 2016 at American Fork High School. photo taken by SPENCER HEAPS, Daily Herald
 

Researchers haven’t cured myeloma yet, so local patients are taking the task of
finding a cure into their own hands.                            

Myeloma is a plasma cell cancer that begins in the bone marrow. Most people who are diagnosed with myeloma are over the age of 50, men are more likely to be diagnosed than women and blacks have almost twice the chance of acquiring myeloma, according to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.

 

“The goal is to have patients involved in accelerating their own cure,” said Jenny Ahlstrom, the founder of Myeloma Crowd, a website providing information, support and resources that is part of the Lehi-based Crowdcare Foundation. “Most of the time you sit back and a doctor says you can have this treatment or this treatment.”

 

“The goal is to have patients involved in accelerating their own cure,” said Jenny Ahlstrom, the founder of Myeloma Crowd, a website providing information, support and resources that is part of the Lehi-based Crowdcare Foundation. “Most of the time you sit back and a doctor says you can have this treatment or this treatment.”

At 48, Lehi mom Lizzy Smith isn’t the typical myeloma patient. “When I was first diagnosed diagnosed, I didn’t even know what myeloma was,” she said.
 

After being diagnosed in 2012, she moved from San Diego to Utah to receive treatment. Until she met Ahlstrom on Twitter and got involved in Myeloma Crowd, she thought she was the only female in Utah around her age that had myeloma.

“It’s really overwhelming when you’re not feeling well and you don’t understand your disease,” Smiths aid. “It’s like drinking from a water hose, but it’s so important to know something about your disease.”

Because everyone’s myeloma is different, they said patients should educate themselves on their type of myeloma and have a plan for when they relapse, something that almost every myeloma patient will experience.

“A lot of people just put their head in the sand and say, 'I don’t want to know, I’ll figure out when it happens,'” Ahlstrom said.
 

Smith relapsed about a year ago, but is in remission again. Ahlstrom, who was diagnosed in 2010, has yet to relapse.

For patients that want to get involved in medical trials, it’s often difficult to get understand the medical jargon explaining the the research, so Ahlstrom sits down with the researchers and has them explain the trials in patient-friendly language. The explanations are then posted on myelomacrowd.org. As part of its research initiative, the group also crowdfunded $187,000 to fund two medical trials for immunotherapy treatments, something that’s not usually likely to receive funding.

"We are sharing information, we are funding research, we are really moving the bar for our disease," Ahlstrom said.

For those recently diagnosed with myeloma, they recommend seeking out a specialist and for the patient to educate themselves about the type of myeloma they have, since patients typically have multiple types of multiple myeloma in their blood.

This Saturday, Myeloma Crowd will host a roundtable from 9 a.m. to 4:30 p.,. at the DoubleTree Suites, located at 110 W. 600 S. in Salt Lake City, to educate patients and caretakers on myeloma and treatment options. Time will be dedicated for questions. Registration begins at 8 a.,. and costs $25.

 -------------visit www.myelomacrowd.org 

For the full article, click here.

I did it! Rockin' the short 'do

Why does hair matter so much? It does, though. And the biggest struggle (besides fighting for my life and confronting my mortality head-on) has been hair loss. The first time I lost my hair, I ALWAYS wore a wig. This time around, I pitched the wig far earlier in my hair re-growth. But every time I look in the mirror, I see a woman who is/was SICK. That short hair represented cancer and chemo and treatment. Illness. Close to death's door. Today, I bleached my hair. If I'm going to have short hair, I'm going to OWN IT and ROCK IT.

 

 

I have to admit, there are times that I look in the mirror and I am terrified by what I see. It is a reminder that life is not normal, that I am not the same, that I am broken. And I HATE IT. What cancer does is it robs you of your sanity. Every time I sneeze or get a bruise or my shoulders hurt, I think "Does this mean something BIG and BAD?"

...And then I talk myself off a cliff. Breathe. I am alive. I will WIN. I will OVERCOME. And I will LIVE every day as if this is all I have. Because maybe today is my last. And, really, perhaps it's your last, my dear reader. None of us ever know. Because life is normal, until it's not. And when that day comes is anyone's guess.

So today, rock on, warrior.

Here's what I learned from joining Muscles for Myeloma (Thanks for the opportunity, Myeloma Crowd!)

My latest via Myeloma Crowd. Enjoy!

Muscles for Myeloma – Here’s What I Learned
BY LIZZY SMITH

 

On Saturday, Salt Lake City’s Muscles for Myeloma Team participated in a 5k. It was a beautiful day and I finished the race! I started off with thousands of others and thought… what if I try to run this thing? I did. And then I walked. For me, it ended up being a run-walk combo. Before getting multiple myeloma, I ran five miles a day. So not being able to run three miles without walking was disappointing. Did I deserve the medal they were handing out post-race? The answer was YES! For heaven’s sake, I completed my third stem cell transplant (yes, THREE) just a few months ago. I was moving and improving, hooray for all of us who do our best. I may still be weak but each day, I’m getting stronger. One day at a time, one step at a time.

 

Leading up to Saturday’s race was about two months of Muscles for Myeloma where I joined my fellow myeloma warriors and supporters from around the country as we vowed to get moving and get fit. Since I was eight weeks from getting discharged from the hospital, just getting to the fitness center was a big goal for me. But I did it most every day, walking the track with my dad, then going to Florida and walking along the beach with my husband. And as the weather improved, power walking through the tulips at the lovely Thanksgiving Point gardens nearby.

 

On Friday night (the day prior to the race), I hosted dinner at my house for our Muscles for Myeloma team, neighbors, and family. It was fabulous getting together with people I love and admire.

 

Here’s what I learned from this experience:

• Local businesses rock! Over the past month, I stopped by restaurants, carwashes and bakeries and asked for donations to use as door prizes at my dinner. I was so touched by their generosity. I gathered up some 45 gift cards and more from the likes of: Harley Davidson Timpanogos in Lindon (they donated a backpack stuffed with goodies), Paradise Bakery (100 cookies for the buffet table), Kneaders, Cubby’s, Mr Hotshine Carwash, Avenue Bakery in American Fork, Culvers and Zaxby’s.  
• Small donations add up. Every person who came to my dinner Friday night made a monetary donation, which totaled over $500 that went straight to the Myeloma Crowd Research Initiative (www.myelomacrowd.org/mcri). These funds are supporting two important clinical trials that just may be our cure!
• “By the yard it’s hard, but by the inch it’s a cinch.” This is one of my dad’s favorite sayings and it is true! Even if you’re not feeling strong or well, try to get a little exercise every day. When I started out, a mile was HARD! But I am improving and can easily walk/run over three miles. I will continue my quest to do a little more and be a little better every day (or at least most days).
• Myeloma warriors are amazing people (and so are those that support us). Cancer is really horrible, but cancer survivors are amazing and I am blessed to meet so many new friends who inspire me.
• Empowerment is possible. Even as a cancer survivor, feeling powerful is possible. I feel it every time I exercise, or raise funds for myeloma research, or learn more about my disease so I’m better able to defeat it. I am not one to sit on the sidelines, I need to do something! And getting involved with the Myeloma Crowd gives me a purpose in life.
• Life can still be awesome, even if one has cancer. I live life in ways that I never did when I was healthy. Each day is a blessing. Each bit of good news is something I celebrate. And as new drugs are approved, new combos are tested, and progress is made, I feel hope.

While the initial Muscles for Myeloma campaign has ended, the program is staying open indefinitely due to popular demand. We have some myeloma friends who are joining summer and fall events and have suggested that fitness is never over. We agree! So far, we’ve raised over $20,000 for the MCRI! Now before we rest on our laurels, let’s keep moving. Let’s keep focused on staying as healthy as possible, combating this disease each day, and finding strength and hope through each other.

 

And if you want to donate, click on my page! Your deduction is tax deductible and will help us CURE Myeloma. The MCRI is funding two clinical trials that may be curative and they are happening now! I promise, it is NOT going into the BIG BLACK hole called "cancer research." You can track this one! Thank you, my dearest supporters.

Read the original article here.

I So Totally Deserve This Medal! Myeloma Lizzy Claws Her Way Through a 5k

Yesterday, I completed my first race post horrible stem cell transplant this past November and December for myeloma. It was a whopping 5k. I was Team Captain of the Salt Lake City Muscles for Myeloma Team and, together, we did the Thanksgiving Point Tulip Festivals Half Marathon/5k. And, no, I was not able to run the whole thing-- I walked some, ran more. But I ran the finish line and as they were passing out medals, I almost didn't take one. After all, I used to run five miles per day and now I couldn't even run an entire three miles. But then it hit me-- I deserve that medal more than probably most people out there! I am a cancer thriver and I am clawing my way back to health and strength. I almost grabbed that medal from the guy-- "GIVE THAT TO ME!" I wanted to scream. I put it around my neck and took a photo.

I totally deserve this. And I'm going to do more races because... I like them. They are fun, high energy, inspiring and social. I'm a social girl. Getting stronger, one day at a time, one step at a time, whether I run it, walk it, or crawl it.

The night prior, I hosted dinner at my house for 50 people. It was my Team Salt Lake City. And some neighbors, family and friends. It was very fun. I got lots of donations from local businesses and everyone who showed up got a great door prize that ranged from dinners to car washes to Nike sweatshirts to a cool backpack stuffed with goodies from Harley Davidson.

But best of all, I got to reconnect and hang with some of my favorite Salt Lake City myeloma warriors. There's "Mindy" who got a stem cell transplant with cells donated from her twin. She relapsed after a year (it should have cured her!) but she's on a drug cocktail now that seems to put have put her back in remission. There is "Heather." And "Rob." And, of course, my partner in crime, my hero, Jenny Ahlstrom. They brought family and kids and it just rocked. Myeloma is HORRIBLE but I have met the most amazingly awesome people and friends-- friends for life-- united by this disease. We will OVERCOME. With these people by my side, I know we will!

Since Friday (the day of my dinner party) was Dex day, I had loads of energy. After everyone left, I was up until 4 in the morning, cleaning, re-organizing, doing laundry. My house has never looked so clean. Even the refrigerator is shiny and sparkly. My hubby came home from a men's retreat to -- a house that smelled and looked delicious. Of course I paid for it yesterday (Saturday). After the race, I went to my daughter's soccer game, did some shopping, went to the beautiful gardens with my parents at Thanksgiving Point to see the tulips...

 

and then... crashed. So very tired, I slept almost 11 straight hours.

 

Today is a new day. Church. Dinner with family. Celebrating life and enjoying it every day.

 

....Because life is normal, until it's not. So live BIG, live GRAND.

 

Peace and love,

 

Lizzy

Here's to Pura Vida, the pure life!

My favorite saying these days? "Pura Vida!" It's my new life's motto and I never want to forget it. Authentic, real, peaceful. My latest column via Divorced Moms.

Living Pura Vida. 8 Steps For Living "The Pure Life"
by Lizzy Smith                    

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April 19, 2016

We just got back from Costa Rica and Nicaragua for my daughters’ Spring Break. For an entire week, we rested in the hot sun (with loads of sunscreen on!), ate amazing grilled fish, veggies and fruit, and recharged. Pura Vida is Costa Rica's motto, which means the “pure life.” But its true meaning goes beyond those two simple words. I went to Best Costa Rican Tours web site because I think they describe this “pura vida” mindset best:

 

Associated with many different English interpretations like “pure life”, “take it easy”, “enjoy life”, “all good”, “purity in life”, “hello”, “goodbye”, “this is life!” and many many more….

 

Pura vida! means that no matter what your current situation is, life for someone else can always be less fortunate than your own. So you need to consider that maybe… just maybe, your situation isn’t all that bad and that no matter how little or how much you have in life, we are all here together and life is short… so start living it “pura vida style.” You want to know what living a peaceful, simple, uncluttered life with a deep appreciation for nature, family and friends, just come to Costa Rica and experience it yourself! PURA VIDA!

I bought a Pura Vida bracelet to remind me that everything that I am, everything that I want to be, is in the meaning of those two simple words: pure life. I've said it before but here I go again: Cancer changes a person. So does divorce. I know many who shut down-- they give in, struggle with depression, and barely function. And there are others who take an opposite approach: life is a gift. Enjoy every moment. Live big and grand.

The latter describes me best. I live the most amazing life I know how. Sure, I struggle with fatigue and fear. But until God calls me home, I am living life with purpose. Purely, authentically, honestly. Throughout my divorce, as hard and ugly as it was, I stayed honest and true to my values. Well, first, I really discovered what my values were and what mattered most. It was a pretty simple list: health, family, relationships, making a positive difference in the world, and creating memories. And then I never waivered from living those values. I might have been in fighting mode during divorce proceedings and chemo; I might have even been a bitch at times. But I stayed authentic ME and I write about it. Raw, honest, always true to, well, TRUTH. Why do I care to document my life? Because it matters to me. It's cathartic. And it will matter to my children one day who will, if they want, learn why their mom made the decisions she did. And, lastly, I know it helps scores of my readers out there to know that they are not alone in their struggles in life. And despite life's tough times, we can still do amazing things, accomplish what we never thought possible, and have loads of fun doing it.

So on our trip to Costa Rica, as I re-commit to living Pura Vida, here's how I try to do it:

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