Letting Go Of The Life You Had & Embracing A Better Version
by Lizzy Smith for Divorced Moms
September 21, 2015
I knew from a young age what "success" would look like. It included a husband, a couple kids, a few dogs, a great career, life in a city near a major airport, a nice car and travel. I worked very hard to achieve that. During that time, I think that many of my friends, co-workers and neighbors thought I had it all. I had the husband, two beautiful daughters, a very good job, a beautiful home, two dogs (a lab named Bear and a husky named Pushkin), a vacation home in the mountains, and loads of cool trips. But there were days I would look at my life, totally baffled. How did I end up with this? And why did none of it make me happy? Because after the front door was closed in my beautiful San Diego neighborhood and the children were tucked in bed, and I had a chance to sit on the diving board of my back yard pool with killer views of the city lights off in the distance, I had time to take a good hard look at my reality. And it was this:
-My awesome hubby was passed out drunk in bed
-I still had dishes to put away
-I had loads of work I brought home with me that needed to get done
-I needed to put away piles of laundry
-The dogs still needed their walk
-I was overworked
-I loved my daughters more than anything in the entire world but I had no time to enjoy them
-I detested my husband. There were some nights I would stare at him while he slept/was passed out drunk and I realize that maybe I hated him
-My job did not inspire me one tiny bit. In fact, I felt it a professional wasteland
-Unbeknownst to me yet, I had cancer growing in my body
-My beautiful home, if you looked closely, needed more work than I could wrap my head around. Like the pristine, sparking swimming pool needed to be drained and completely redone. It was like my marriage-- at a glance, it was awesome; look closely, and it was ugly and broken. I did not have the money or energy to fix it
How did I work so hard to achieve a life I hated? Was it possible in middle age to reverse course?
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