Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Universal traits of really unhealthy relationships

As one who is been in a terribly unhealthy relationship (with an alcoholic) and also a really healthy relationship (my soon-to-be husband), the difference between the two is ginormous. The physical, mental and emotional toll unhealthy relationships have on you are indescribable. Here are 12 universal traits of relationships that need to end now.

12 Signs That You Are In An Unhealthy Relationship
by Lizzy Smith for Divorced Moms                    
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September 15, 2015
635731689254169281Fotolia_79139520_XS.jpgThere are pretty much universal signs that you are in an unhealthy relationship. If this sounds like yours, it is time to make some huge changes. Perhaps therapy is in order and your relationship is fixable. And in some cases, the only way to save yourself is by leaving it.

1. He is an addict
If your partner is an addict, you cannot fix him. You must leave if you ever want peace or joy in your life. Some women develop an unhealthy love of the drama that life with an addict brings. Other women are co-dependent and "enjoy" repeated attempts to fix and care for their sick partner. Regardless, if you want a healthy relationship yet are with an addict, it is time get therapy, get strong, and get out. There is no other option if you ever hope for joy, peace and love in your life.

2. There is physical abuse
If either you or your partner are hitting each other, you must end the relationship. Almost without exception, violence escalates. If this is your relationship, your mental and physical safety are at grave risk. Get help. Get out. Now.

3. He abuses your children
If your partner abuses your children, you must report the crime and leave immediately. It is you moral, legal and ethical duty to protect your children. Failure to do so means there is a very real possibility you may have your parental rights terminated. Theses seems so obvious yet I know a few women who have actually put their children at risk in order to try and keep their guy. It is unbelievably sick.

4. You can't be your "true" self
If you are constantly trying to appease your partner by being someone you're not, you need serious help. If you are afraid that your partner won't like you or may leave if he truly gets to know you, you must confront this reality now. This one can be really tough. When I first met my fiancĂ©, I hesitated telling him about my battle with cancer. I realized that if he knew about my health issues and left me, we had no future anyway. I have tried my best to be the "real Lizzy" from day one because if I am not good enough for my guy, then we are seriously wasting our time. And if he needs to leave the relationship, then there is nothing I can do to prevent it anyway.

5. Your family, friends and children hate him
If those you love the most can't stand your guy, you need to start listening. Ask why and if you see some truth in what they are saying, perhaps you need to re-think the relationship entirely. Plus, if your guy becomes the reason why your loved ones makes themselves scarce, you are becoming isolated in the relationship. Perhaps your guy loves this-- you are all his and he can better control you. And if this is true, you are in a potentially highly abuse relationship.

6. He embarrasses you
Who loves to continually make excuses for the behavior of our guy? No one! If you no longer want to take him with you to public events or around your friends, it is time to end the relationship.

7. He cannot communicate in healthy and "normal" ways
If your guy can't communicate and he resorts to screaming at you, you are in a bad relationship. There is no way to develop love and trust in that relationship. Or, if he refuses to talk about tough issues, you cannot develop true intimacy. Communication is key to any good relationship.

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