Monday, September 28, 2015

Should the hubby's family warned me about his addiction? My readers say YES.

Moms: When Should You Warn Your Adult Child's New Love Interest?
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BY LIZZY SMITH for Divorced Moms
September 28, 2015
I have written many times about life with my alcoholic husband. I made a huge mistake marrying Rob the Great (Alcoholic). I was naïve about addiction and failed to see the signs that Rob was an alcoholic. I also made a huge mistake dating a guy when I was on a major rebound with my ex-boyfriend, "the one who got away", Tom. I should never have re-entered the dating pool at that point in my life, but I did. And, lastly, I should never have allowed Rob to set the speed of our dating. Before I knew it, Rob had asked for a commitment and I gave it to him in order to keep me strong in not going back to Tom. Before I knew it, Rob and I purchased a home together and, since the damage was done, I went ahead and married him. After a total of six months. That is right-- who gets remarried after just six months? That would be Stupid Dumb Idiotic Me.
So, it is my fault that I married Rob. But what obligation did Rob's family owe me with a warning that he was an alcoholic? They all knew it. It had ended his first marriage and that was well known, too.
As parents, when our adult children have major character flaws, should we keep our mouths shut and let the adults work it out among themselves? Or are we morally obligated to speak up and save everyone more heartache?
Since I have my own opinion and experience, I decided to ask divorced women readers in a private forum. It is a most unscientific poll but it was 10 to 1 SPEAK UP. When there are minor children, it was more like 20 to 1 to speak up if there are major issues, like abuse, addiction or violence. I thought the comments were interesting and I think you will, too. I am posting them below with almost no editing, just for style and typos.