Tuesday, May 19, 2015

This life post cancer isn't so bad. In fact, sometimes it ROCKS

A few weeks ago, William and I were went on a fabulous walk. The kids were in school and the day was perfect. Not a cloud in the sky, mid 70's, and sunny. We walked from the house to Thanksgiving Point Gardens during the tulip festival. The waterfalls were raging and it was a flower explosion of spectacular colors. We started talking about fear and our ability to find happiness.

I stopped mid sentence, mid- stride. I had an epiphany.

"I stared my biggest fear in the face. I got a cancer diagnosis, I lost my health, my hair, my husband (that was a great thing!), my career, home, and vacation house. But look where I am now. I am NOT sitting in a windowless office getting ready to head into another mindless meeting to deal with artificial deadlines. I am outside among the tulips! And guess what? This is spectacular!"

I wouldn't wish cancer on anyone. But what if-- just what if -- the worst thing we can imagine happens. Then what? If you had told me a few years ago that I would simply walk away from a high paying job, leave my house and vacation house, and throw it all up in the air, I would have thought you nuts. I would NEVER have even contemplated letting go of all my responsibilities. But life presented me with no choice. And I survived it. I healed. I thrived. It's ok. And honestly, I can't imagine going back to my prior life. It was horrid and awful and... awful. All of it.

I recently read an article about a woman who was working stupid hours in New York City and she simply walked away. She sold everything, moved to St John and started selling ice cream on the beach. She found a better life than the grind she lived before.

What happened when I just walked away from my horrible former life? I found tulips, sunshine, and a purposeful life. Letting go.