Sunday, March 1, 2015

Want to lose your spousal support? Have your boyfriend move in! Even if you (try) to be sneaky, this one can be a killer

My latest story via Divorced Moms. True story, so ladies (and men, if you fall into this category): Be Ware. While I'm in Argentina, I've picked a few of my most popular blog posts and edited them for Divorced Moms. They all have to do with true stories of my life with an alcoholic. So tomorrow I depart. So excited. Until I'm back, be well, strong, and happy.

Love, Lizzy

A Fast Way To Lose Your Spousal Support: Live With Your Boyfriend
by Lizzy Smith                    
March 01, 2015
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Fotolia_77020610_XS.jpgGuess what ladies? If you are receiving spousal support and your boyfriend moves in with you, there is a very good chance that your ex can go to court and have the dollar amount you're receiving drastically reduced or stopped altogether. So if you are cohabitating in a mutually-exclusive, sexual relationship, just know that it's a very real possibility.

Which brings me to my own story of when my then-husband hired a private investigator to spy on his ex-wife.

One thing that really got under Rob's skin was the spousal support he was paying to his ex-wife. When Rob's youngest daughter decided she would no longer live with us because Rob refused to stop drinking around her and it was obvious that his child support would be increasing, we consulted with an attorney. When that attorney saw what Rob was paying in spousal support, he was gravely concerned. He told Rob that he wouldn't want to risk going to court to revisit anything because a judge would likely increase her spousal support significantly. He didn't think that Rob was paying nearly enough to his ex wife as it was. He was sick about the amount of money he was shelling out each month. He thought she should get a better job and stop being such a sponge on him.

Rob kept telling me that the second his ex remarried or started living with someone, he would file to have spousal support stopped.

One day I was at work and I got a phone call from Rob. He was positively giddy. "Guess what?" he said. He could hardly contain himself. "She has a new boyfriend and she moved him into her house!"

"Really? How do you know?" I asked.

His oldest daughter told him. "Whoohooo, baby, I'm filing papers to stop spousal support. Oh yeah!" He was literally whooping and hollering.

So Rob hired an attorney. At one of those meetings, I got a call from the two of them. "We need to hire a private investigator to stake out her house to prove her boyfriend is living with her."

"No," I said emphatically. "How much is that going to cost?"

The attorney thought about $2,500. "It will take a year or more to recoup the costs, if a judge cancels support, of the private investigator, attorney fees, and court costs. I say no. Would she really lie about her boyfriend living in her home?"

"Hell yes!" Rob said. "She'll lie about anything to get my money!"

"I say no," I repeated. But I was already so completely tired of Rob blaming me for anything and everything that went awry with his kids or ex-wife that I knew better than making that final decision. "But do whatever you need to do."

And so Rob hired a private investigator and shelled out $2,500 to get photos of the boyfriend taking trash out to the dumpster, opening the garage door, and leaving his car parked outside the home over night.

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