Thursday, March 19, 2015

Divorced Moms: Marriage Hell... A cancer diagnosis & no reprieve from hubby

From Divorced Moms.

Marriage Hell: A Cancer Diagnosis And No Reprieve From Hubby
by Lizzy Smith                     
March 06, 2015
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Getting diagnosed with cancer sucks. But getting diagnosed with cancer and then having your (alcoholic) husband taunt you sucks even worse.

The month prior to diagnosis Leading up to my diagnosis was not a fun time and I started to know in my gut that something wasn't right. In December, I went on a business trip and worked ridiculous hours. By the time I flew home, I was exhausted beyond belief. The next two days were a Thursday and Friday and I was given comp days to rest up.

After dropping off the kids at school on Thursday morning, I started cleaning the house, doing laundry, unpacking, and balancing our checking account. Rob was home that day under the guise of "working from home" (wink wink, which meant hitting the bars starting at noon). I noticed that Rob overspent on something and I asked him for details. He started SCREAMING at me like only Rob the Great (Alcoholic) can. His scream is this freaky bizarre falsetto/mezzo soprano pitch. And he wrings his hands and nearly jumps up and down. Seriously, unless you see it, you wouldn't even believe it. It is seriously freakish.

"Why are you screaming? I can hear you. I'm right in front of you," I said. In which case he started screaming at me some more. "This is my day off! I want to relax!" I said to him back, "And this is my comp day. I am exhausted. And I am doing things for our home-- things I hate doing, things that must be done, and things that you promised from Day 1 of our relationship that you would take over [like the finances]." 

He then called me a bitch and I stood up and shoved him hard and told him to shut the fuck up. I grabbed my handbag, got in my car and drove around sobbing. Rob and I had a counseling session that afternoon together and I it couldn't come fast enough.

I drove to Costco and went shopping. On my way home, Rob called screaming at me again. I had left my handbag in the shopping cart and it was at the member services department and how could I be so stupid to leave my purse there? I hung up on him and drove back to Costco. By now, I knew something was wrong with me. I was shaking, confused, and scared. And I was angry with Rob-- so angry with myself for staying with this monster for so long. I hated him.

A few hours later, I picked up our daughter at school and she told me that while I was on my business trip, Rob had taken the kids to his oldest daughter's house, who had drug issues. Because of this, Rob and I agreed that the younger children could not go to her home but that they could see her in safe places, like a restaurant or his mom's house. Instead, while I was gone, Rob took the kids to her house and told them both to lie to me about it. I was furious.

Soon after, Rob called to tell me that he wasn't going to our counseling session. "Of course you're not," I said. "You'll have to tell your counselor you're still a drunk and while you're supposed to be at group therapy sessions, you're at the bars and diving."

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