In my prior life (pre Multiple Myeloma diagnosis), I did not enjoy driving anywhere. If it took more than a few hours, it was a flight, not a car. Driving took too much time. Come to think of it, most everything I did was a race-- a race to complete a task. And that included vacations. Hurry up, get on plane, get to hotel, enjoy vacation, get to airport, get home, rush off to the grocery store to re-stock, unpack, to laundry, go to bed, get back to work.
Now that I don't have those same demands or that same mindset, road trips can be cool. I still can't say I enjoy driving. I always end up at my destination feeling "off"-- a little motion sick, buzzy and drained. That said, I do enjoy exploring.
So this weekend, Morgan had a soccer tournament in Mesquite, Nevada. I was really looking forward to the weekend. Getting away, being social, something different. So I got my weekly Velcade injection on Wednesday instead of Friday, and we took off on Thursday.
Well I felt awful the whole weekend. I don't even know how we made it to Mesquite in one piece without my driving off the road. Kind of scary now that I think about it. Fatigue was beyond intense- mental and physical. Was it the fact that I got Velcade injections just five days apart as opposed to seven? We got to Mesquite and instead of heading off to a soccer game, I sent Morgan off with a teammate and fell asleep by five o'clock. I woke up the next morning. We went to a soccer game and I realized that I still felt awful. While all the kids were swimming, I was sleeping. Suffice it to say that I spent the entire weekend dragging myself out of bed. It was quite a drag.
Our hotel in Mesquite was quite possibly the most disgusting hotel I've stayed in as an adult. It was maybe not quite up to Motel 6 standards. The comforters on the bed consisted of a sheet, a paper thin cheap hotel blanket, followed by another sheet. The pool had so much chlorine in it that I couldn't even sit outside because the smell made me gag. When the girls came from the pool, I made them get in the shower immediately. The casino portion of the property smelled of cigarettes and urine. Going into the casino to find a restaurant made me physically gag. I had my nose covered up with my hand and I seriously thought I was going to throw up.
One funny story. Siena and I were drifting off to sleep and I just felt this need to tell her how much I loved her. I said, "You are so smart, pretty and funny. I love you so much that it hurts some time. Being your mom is the best thing ever." And I started crying. It was this beautiful touching moment. Or so I thought. Siena grabbed my hand and pushed it away. "I'm sleep. Stop it!!" She didn't even remember it the next day. Oh well.
We left a day early.
...But on our way back, there was no need to rush. As we were driving, we stopped along the way. One place we just discovered was Kolob Canyon. Wow-- it was breathtaking. Stunning. Absolutely inspiring. Another reminder to me that God exists.
We got home, I felt carsick, but we made dinner and watched the Olympics. William and Morgan made kettle corn by scratch. We went to bed. I think I might feel a bit more normal today, though it's a bit early to tell. Since it's a holiday, we're going to hit up a movie.
The point is, borrowing words from my fellow Myeloma Warrior, Pat, "Even we seasoned Myeloma survivors have bad days." What isn't so fun is that anticipating off days is nearly impossible. Every thing I do or plan, I always have that thought in the back of my head: "What if I'm fatigued?" Sigh. Oh well. I'm alive. I'll get through it.
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