Sunday, May 12, 2013

I find beauty in surprising places

Over the past years, I've lived a very hard life with in a chaotic, alcholic home. When I fled that unhealthy environment, it was a breath of fresh air. I finally had the time and interest in looking for beauty and good anywhere I could find it. And it's amazing how beautiful, precious, and profound life can become. I try very hard to live in the moment, to appreciate each day, and to love all the many friends, nurses, doctors and otherwise who have restored my faith in humans. I have to say, I left Bob with such deep sadness that emotionally healing has been rough. I'm not there yet but I am making progress. And when I find beauty, I embrace it and hang onto it as long as I can.

Today was mother's day. My daughter, Morgan, posted this on FaceBook:

I have the BEST mom in the world she does so much for me and I can't wait till she come home!! She is so AMAZING and BEAUTIFUL!! I love her so much and thank you so much mom for every thing you do for me!! I LOVE YOU!!! :)
 
I love my daughters more than I can ever express. They are growing into really amazing girls and I am so proud of them. They give me purpose. They teach me unconditional love. What is more pure and amazing than that.
 
My mom is also a powerful example of selflessness and love. I've never seen such pure desire to help others. She will give of herself until there is nothing left and give even more. She is a far better mother and person than I can ever hope to be. And I mean it.
 
I find God in so many places in Utah. I absolutely love exploring this state. I see God in Zion, Moab, Bryce, The Arches, most of Southern Utah, the Wasatch Mountains, American Fork Canyon... the list is endless. I am sometimes breathless. I sometimes like to meditate among such beauty. I feel Gods presence so strongly on these scouting trips. I mean, seriously, an overpowering love from God that it sometimes knocks me to my knees. During those times I ask for strength, health and forgiveness. I can honestly I've achieved none of them but I know I will some day.
 
I find so many wonderful people. My nurses at the BMT clinic are incredible. I love them all. Bob could learn so much from them.
 
Today I found peace and warmth and acceptance with the Reason-Nappi family. They were inviting, fun, and I felt so at home with them. Did I really just meet them and feel like home among them?
 
I went to church today and several high school seniors spoke. They were outstanding and incredible kids. Smart, clean, eloquent and composed. When I see kids of this caliber, I think we might be OK in this country. Leave it to them and I know the future isn't so bleak. They'll figure it out. One girl sang like an angel while another played the piano and violin. Wow- how does one raise children to that caliber? I hope and pray I can somehow get Morgan and Siena there. I know I can!
 
Life offers so much ugliness, despair, sadness, chaos and desperation. Life in an abusive home is a dark, scary and evil place. But fleeing such evilness is like walking into the sunshine and noticing that the blue sky and flowers are beautiful and life away from that chaos can some day be beautiful and peaceful and good again.
 
Today was a beautiful reminder that, while I'm not there yet, I am healing. I will heal. That feels nice.