Monday, September 22, 2014

From Divorced Moms: More tales from the dating trenches (from a guy's perspective)

This post makes me incredibly sad. No "snarky" comments about freaky men in the freaky Utah dating trenches. No, not this time! Apparently I am INADVERTENTLY giving off some major vibes to some men that I want commitment and that I'm on the road to falling in love. Because NOTHING explains the fact that I have, once again, dated a guy (in this case ONCE) a time or four (no kissing or sex, or maybe one kiss) who then thinks that I want... I suppose... more? Like A LOT MORE. (Can you tell I am not happy?) I am speechless and devastated. I am examining every interaction, conversation, text, and body language to figure out WTF I am doing wrong. I'm so happy that I'm not dating ever again because this must stop. I'd write a whole lot more but since I wrote about it on Divorced Moms today, you can read it here. Hopefully someone will learn something from my experience. Not sure what that will be but I'm hopeful anyway. Maybe at some point when I can digest this a bit more, I'll have some conclusions, who knows.

From A Guy's Perspective: Lessons Learned From Online Dating
by Lizzy Smith                     
September 22, 2014
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Not long ago, I opened an account on an online dating site. Over a four week period, I communicated with several men and actually met up with maybe ten of them. One was "Andy." We went out once for dinner at a chain restaurant, which lasted about 90 minutes (no kiss at the end, not even on the cheek). It was a nice meet-up and I liked him, as a friend. Turns out, Andy has a chronic illness (not cancer); I have a chronic illness (multiple myeloma). Our health struggles and fight to stay well is one thing we have in common. We mostly talked about his diagnosis, treatments, and symptoms. He was flying out to another state a few days later for an experimental procedure and I was fascinated by it. We also talked plenty about my health, too. Afterwards, I gave him a hug and drove away and cried. Health struggles suck. When I got home, I texted him: You're a rock star. Be well and keep me posted.
In all honesty, I knew that even if Andy and I were a match made in heaven, we could never date seriously. Two people with health struggles would be a disaster. If it happens once you're already committed, that's one thing; purposely "going there" is entirely another. Life is already so complicated, at least for me (and him).  
Six days after our one and only date, I texted Andy with well-wishes for his upcoming trip and procedure. I also said that while we couldn't date, I hoped we would remain friends and fellow-supporters. Andy's response to that text shocked me. He was hurt, angry and devastated. Like crying devastated. What?!? He had grand plans for our future together and he wasn't happy about it. Here we are three days later and I am still scratching my head over this. I am literally stunned and very sad. Nonetheless, Andy followed up with a guest article about dating from a guy's perspective. While I disagree with a whole heck of a lot of his thought process (actually pretty much all of it), I still think it's an interesting read and I hope you will, too.