Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Divorced Moms column: Series Part 2 Marriage Hell (or How I Ended Up Married to This Ass?)

Series Part 2 Marriage Hell (or How I Ended Up Married to This Ass?)
by Lizzy Smith                    
May 29, 2014
How the heck did I end up married to a man I didn't love and then allow him to abuse me? Good question. I write my story in an effort to try to understand it myself. Welcome to the series, “Marriage Hell.”

Rob and I were in the midst of purchasing our home that I didn’t want. We were getting ready to leave for our trip to the Bahamas to officially get engaged. And we had our first real argument. Before then, Rob was nothing but the perfect boyfriend. He was kind, attentive, thoughtful, happy, and calm. We had a very good relationship, actually. We had a lot of fun together, our children were all getting along, and Rob was quickly becoming my daughter’s dad. She loved him in all the sweet ways a child loves a dad and they were getting close. It melted my heart. This was the way it should be. This was my idealic image of a family and I was living it.

Our first argument started one evening when my ex husband asked if he could come over to borrow my computer; his internet was down. Since we got along decently and we had stopped having any kind of marriage or relationship in any way, shape or form for over five years, I allowed him to come over to my home. I was tired and went to bed in my bedroom with my daughter sleeping next to me, locked the door, and asked that he lock up on his way out.

Rob decided that same evening to come over in the middle of the night. When he did, he found my ex in my living room. There was nothing unacceptable going on. I was asleep and the ex was sitting on the couch with my computer on his lap and the TV and lights on. But Rob was furious. He left my condo and called me screaming. "I just went over to your house but guess who I found when I opened your door? Mac! What the HELL is he doing there?" Groggy from sleep, I tried to gather my thoughts. "He’s still here? Rob, I’m sorry but I’m sound asleep. And, as you can see, I’m alone in my bed with my bedroom door locked. I’m really sorry but he just came over to use my computer. That’s it,” I said. And then I started getting mad. What was Rob doing walking into my home, unannounced, in the middle of the night? Dangerous, actually (especially considering that I used to work for the National Rifle Association and knew a thing or two about protecting myself). And kind of creepy.

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