Tuesday, August 6, 2013

NO WIRE HANGERS!!! Mommy Dearest is right here



I try really hard to be the best mom EVER and, of course, I am. In my dreams anyway. And, thanks to my lovely maintenance cocktail of medications, I take Dex once per week. Dex is a steroid. Dex makes me a monster usually the day after I take it. (Side note here: When I was first diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, I was taking Dex every day, 50 MG, as opposed to now I take 25 MG once per week. Holy hell, the side effects from that much Dex was horrid, and that's a vast understatement.)

Before I recognized what a monster Dex was making me, I thought it perfectly normal to want to chase down any driver who dared to cut me off. Or, if I dropped something, I wanted to put my fist through a wall. I had better sense to not do any of the above, but I wanted to very badly.

One day not long ago, I came home after running a few errands and discovered that my children hadn't cleaned their rooms! And, this is even worse, hadn't put their dishes in the dishwasher. I just about lost it.

I did my best not to scream. Having lived for five years with an alcoholic who screamed like no one can, screaming is not something I'm a big fan of. It makes the screamer look like a complete idiot and the screamer loses all credibility anyway, so what's the point. But I did nag and ground and (try) to give all kinds of guilt trips. It went something like this:

"You poor girls, what a shame that Mom wasn't here to clean up after you. While you're watching TV or getting ready to go to a friends' house, did you look at your mess and think I'd just come and clean it up?"

--and--

"Is putting your dishes away after I make you breakfast really that hard? Princess Morgan and Princess Siena, get off your ass and do something."

--and--

"That's it, you're both grounded for a week. I'm taking you nowhere-- not dance, or soccer, or to a movie-- nothing. And no TV, friends, snacks. That's it!"

And then Morgan told me that I was being a total bitch mom. Brutal honesty. My mother, God bless her, told me I was being harsh and their punishments didn't fit the crime.

A little math and thinking on my part and I realized it was Saturday, one day post Dex, and I could blame it all on the medications and I really needed to just stop it already.

That's not to say that I still don't feel angry at the dumbest things post Dex. But at least I am pretty dang good and talking myself out of a beating heart and seeing red. That's where my yoga breathing helps. I use a lot of lavender and citrus essential oils, and I drink Crio Brew instead of coffee-- because that helps calm and center me.

The girls have a new rule, though, and this one I'm not budging on: One day post Dex, they have to call me Mommy Dearest.