Tuesday, February 9, 2016

It's a cat fight! Are (many) single Mormon women really this stupid?

I haven't written a Mormon rant in a long time! But I can't resist this one...

As way of background, I was born and raised in the LDS/Mormon church. I am not a practicing Mormon and I think that, culturally, Mormonism can be really strange. Living in Mormon Mecca (Utah) is beyond "off" and sometimes I just have to write about it.

So... it's the ultimate cat fight!


I was recently in a private Facebook group of single Mormon women who are dating (I have since left this group). I stayed for as long as I did because I found it horrifyingly entertaining. Sort of like watching a train wreck. Grown Mormon women saying and doing the dumbest things imaginable (like allowing a man one women met online spend the night in her home and then get angry that he tried to get naughty with her. Hello, Dumbass, be happy he didn't slit your throat in the middle of the night. She then wondered if she should contact his bishop and tell on him. Oh.My.Gosh. Sure, tattle on a guy who did nothing illegal and expect a bishop to do what? Ground him for a week? Take his car away for the weekend?)

So anyway, the latest is from a woman named "Amanda." She has used the group to endlessly warn other women about her soon-to-be ex-husband. Their divorce isn't final yet and she is white hot mad that he is on dating sites already. (Just so you all know, I think that women who date men who have recently split from their wives are nuts. I don't think that anyone should be dating before a divorce is finally and, usually, beyond that. I wrote about this topic on Divorced Moms here and here. But I digress.)

First, Amanda asked the group how she could get her ex excommunicated from the Mormon church. She felt that he needed punishment for... generally not being a good husband (um, you're totally innocent here?). There were no allegations of child abuse or theft or murder. I responded that I was against any form of narc-ing to an ecclesiastical leader and that behavior was incredibly childish. (I don't even let my children tattle.) Oh, the vitriol I got back from Amanda. "Did I ask your opinion? I have every right to do what I want to. Who are you? Like I'd ever want to be friends with someone like you. You don't even know me so why don't you shut up!" It went on and on and on. Um, didn't you go on a forum and ask a question? Anyway, for every person who disagreed with Amanda, she responded numerous times lambasting the poster and then defending herself. Overall, however, a majority of the Mormon women thought it perfectly ok to find men's bishops and tell on them in an attempt to have their temple recommend taken away and perhaps get ex-communicated. (I do not believe in ex-communicating anyone from a religion and narc-ing is seriously a huge big NO in my world.)

She then wrote another post about all the things her ex did. He took a dog they had just adopted from an animal shelter back to the shelter. She went into his house after separation and he called the police on her because she should not have been there. But her side was that there was no restraining order and they were still married so why not? (Ok, scary psycho stalker, what are you doing hanging out in someone else's home?). She said that her ex would call her a control freak because she refused to put up him, and that she had anger issues because she defended herself. (Amanda was sounding more unstable and psychotic the more she wrote.)

I started feeling sorry for her ex.

A new post from Amanda was to express her fury at Mormon women who were supportive of her ex attending an LDS singles dance. She reminded all of us that dating a man who was legally married was against church standards. She threw out a lot of God and "brethren" words (in an attempt, obviously, to look super spiritual and religious when, in fact, she looked crazier and crazier by the word). Many women defended her, some did not. The responses from Amanda to those who disagreed were comical. These grown women literally started calling each other names, including the N word, f-ing biotch, f-ing idiot, and that's just for starters.

As it turns out, this is Amanda's fourth marriage, she knew the guy for just a few weeks before marrying him, and their marriage lasted just a few months. Seriously, does she not bare any responsibility for getting in this mess? Apparently not. She felt the spirit and the guy was a good priesthood holder (except he lied).

Mormonism breeds this craziness. It encourages narc-ing on each other to bishops (in the guise of helping each other out), getting married fast (so you don't have sex outside of marriage), and this ridiculous idea that you aren't whole on your own and, in fact, cannot enter the highest kingdom of heaven without a good Mormon spouse with whom you've been sealed to in the temple. Women get all kinds of crazy competitive to try and out-righteous each other in order to attract that amazing Mormon guy. The women act like 13-year olds. It is the ultimate cat fight and it's not pretty. The men are not a lot better.

And such is the dating scene in Mormonville.