Thursday, July 2, 2015

Good men are good dads. Here are signs to look for

From Divorced Moms. I don't know how many women marry guys who are awful fathers and then wonder how they ended up with an asshole for a spouse. What? They had no idea he was such a jerk. If you ask me, the signs were all there (with my ex, too, I'm hardly perfect) and they needed to start looking at his fatherhood skills. My take is right here... Enjoy!

Want To Date A Good Man? Then Make Sure He's A Great Dad First
by Lizzy Smith                    
June 29, 2015
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Fotolia_70534505_XS.jpgA good friend of mine, "Amber," started dating a guy six months ago. She's pretty crazy about him -- he treats her well, he's kind and generous, thoughtful. The sex is fabulous. But she has children and he is only "average" with them. Mostly, he seems to put up with them and sometimes is visibly annoyed. But here's the biggest warning sign: he has two daughters who he rarely sees. When he does, Amber notices that his interactions with them are distant and cold. He isn't all that interested in spending a lot of time with them and Amber feels she has more of a connection with his children than he does. She is just about ready to end it because his daddy skills seem seriously lacking. She wanted to know my opinion.

"If he's not into the whole kid and family thing, he's not a keeper," I said. "Can you imagine living with a guy who wants all the kids to go away? That's not going to be comfortable for anyone. Not the kids, him or you. Besides, if he's made children and yet this most important role in life isn't a priority, well, he's not a good partner. (or man, I wanted to add)

She agreed. I truly believe their relationship is on borrowed time. And it should be.

One of the best ways to know a man's true character is to pay close attention to his relationship with his kids. That pretty much tells you everything you need to know.

It is really hard being a single mom in the dating trenches. Sometimes we must make really tough decisions about the men in our lives. Maybe it might be a perfect relationship if kids weren't in the picture. But they are.

Our reality is that we are moms first and our children's needs must be paramount above our own. And that means that sometimes we must walk away from a guy we are crazy about because it is in the best interest of our children. I have huge admiration for women who do the right thing. It isn't easy, I've been there. But that's what being a good mom requires of us.

Seriously, having children and watching how a man interacts with his and yours, can also help you determine if he really is the right one for you. So here are some traits to look for in a guy:

1. He spends time with his children (consistently)
First, does he have at least partial custody of his kids and unsupervised visits? If he doesn't, that is a huge warning flag. I have heard of women dating men who are only allowed supervised visits with his children and having no legal custody. Why these women even attempt to date men like these escapes me. Perhaps his ex is really that lying bitch, but probably there was enough evidence to convince a judge that this man is bad news. And you should listen and run. Fast.

Assuming he does have access to his children, does he show up on time for his visits? Does he look forward to them? If not, that's another huge warning flag for you.

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