Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Moving on

Whenever I've heard from Team Rob, it's never been to defend him or his behavior-- in fact, it's been just the opposite. All who have contacted me have expressed the horror at his behavior and sorrow that they didn't know until it was too late. Except the other day. I got a text that said, in part: You need to move on! It's been over two years. It might help you heal faster.

Quite bold, if you ask me, says the one who wasn't abused by Rob, whose children weren't abused by Rob, who hasn't had a nearly two year battle in the courts with Rob, who is in the midst of a new lawsuit against Rob, whose children are impacted every single day by Rob's behavior, when I still get phone calls from the bank that Rob isn't making his car payments (the latest was Saturday) and they want me to pay his bills, and when Rob has yet to pay me the money that he owes me.

In my case and, I dare say, in most cases, you don't "move on", rather, we pick up the pieces and move forward. Healing doesn't mean we just forget or sweep it under the rug and "pretend" it didn't happen.

For me, journaling and blogging and stepping out of the shadows is healing. Finding happiness and new love and having faith and hope and renewal is healing. I still have war wounds but I don't cover them up with bandages and cosmetics. I look at those wounds every day and I embrace them. Those wounds are my badge of courage.

So before anyone tells me to move on and then proceeds to think that she knows exactly what moving on should look like, I'll say this: Until you've walked a mile in my shoes... You know the rest of the saying. And, really, if Team Rob really loved him as much as they say they do, getting him help so he stops abusing others would be a step in the right direction. Pretending that Rob is fine and everyone else needs to just "move on" isn't going to help him or any of his victims. That will help everyone move forward in a healthy way.