Divorced Moms column: Back from Holiday! 8 Lessons I Learned From My Trip Abroad

From Divorced Moms!

Back from Holiday! 8 Lessons I Learned From My Trip Abroad
by Lizzy Smith                    

June 23, 2014

I just got back from the best holiday ever. We spent three weeks exploring a few parts of the world I’d never been: Croatia, Turkey, Greece, Switzerland and Italy. The entire trip was heavenly but my favorite stops were Lake Como and Lake Maggiore in Northern Italy. I seriously want to move there. The food, fashion, history, culture, architecture and beauty is just breathtaking. We ate lots of fresh pasta, delicious authentic pizza and gelato, and sipped lattes. In Milan, my daughters and I shopped like crazy girls, picking up skirts, tops, sundresses, and shoes. We dressed up for dinner almost every night and my eight year old daughter had fun doing my hair. My boyfriend joined us for part of the trip, and my parents for the rest. On a scale of 1 to 10, I give this journey a 15.

In Italy, I felt so at peace, emotionally and physically healthy (despite fighting an awful cold), and joyful. Maybe it was the warm sun, or maybe I just needed a break from my ordinary life. Whatever it was, it worked. I feel rejuvenated.

I am passionate about travel. I’ve been to 26 countries and 39 states, and I plan to keep adding to my list. When I go somewhere new, it changes me inside my head and heart. When I was in high school, I used to dream of leaving my small town and exploring the world. When I finally had a little money and freedom, it’s one of the first things I did—hop on a plane with passport in hand.

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Divorced Moms Marriage Hell Part 8 (series conclusion): He Confesses, "I'm an alcoholic"

From Divorced Moms.

Series Part 8 Marriage Hell: He Confesses, “I’m an alcoholic”
by Lizzy Smith                    

June 19, 2014

In March, just seven months after our marriage, I finally found out why Rob’s behavior was so volatile and explosive. It was one evening when Rob’s 14 year old daughter, Kelly, was staying with us. She and Rob got in a huge fight and Kelly went to her room and slammed her door. I could hear her sobbing so I went upstairs and knocked. I asked her if I could come in and she said yes. I sat on her bed as she cried. When she composed herself, she started talking to me.

“I hate it when he’s drinking and he drinks every single day!” she was almost gasping for air she was crying so hard.

“What?” I said. “No, he doesn’t drink every day.” I clarified.

She looked at me like I was insane. “Yes he does, Liz. You don’t see it?”

I was shocked. I shook my head. What the hell was she talking about.

“Liz, he is at the BrewCo [Rob’s favorite drinking bar in our neighborhood] every day after work. You don’t know that? You can’t see it in his eyes?”
She was looking at me and I shook my head again. His eyes? The glassy, wild eyes... yes, I see them, I've noticed but I didn't know why. So Rob was drinking every day after work? My head was working on overload. The room was spinning. I was trying to put the pieces together. No, this can’t be true. I had no idea.

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Divorced Moms Marriage Hell Part 7:

From Divorced Moms.

Series Part 7 Marriage Hell: How Can a Grown Man Scream Like That?
By Lizzy Smith                    

June 16, 2014

How the heck did I end up married to a man I didn’t love and then allow him to abuse me? Good question. I write my story in an effort to try to understand it myself. Welcome to the series, “Marriage Hell.”

Rob and I returned from our honeymoon in Russia. It had turned out to be a fantastic trip. I was filled with hope that maybe the marriage wasn't a huge mistake and it would all work out. But that feeling was short-lived when I confronted my new reality. Here I was, in a new neighborhood, in a house too big, with too much work and unpacking that needed to be done. And yet I was the only one doing any of it. I was getting zero help from Rob and right away, I started resenting it. I was spending night after night staying up far too late trying to paint, unpack, clean, pay bills, and ignore the screaming matches between Rob and his 16 year old daughter, Nicky. It wasn’t fun. By early November, just three months after our wedding, Mean Rob showed up for the first time. Prior to then, Rob had always been happy and upbeat. He had not once been mean or disrespectful and raised his voice to me. But this time was different.

The fight started out over nothing. I had begged Rob to help me clear out the garage for weeks but he had never gotten around to it. When Rob left the house on a Saturday for a few hours, I started organizing. When Rob pulled up to the house and saw what I was doing, he exploded. “I just want to have a quiet day! I didn’t want to work on this and you are making me feel guilty!”

I was trying to be upbeat and funny. “I thought you’d be happy. I wanted this to be a surprise. Look, I can walk from one end of the garage to the other – whoohoo!” I demonstrated it for him by walking from one end to the other and doing a little happy dance at the end.

Rob wasn’t impressed. He started screaming in this horrific pitch that I have never heard a grown man do—and in the front yard. I was horrified and embarrassed. “Rob, the neighbors,” I said. He responded by screaming louder in this booming, explosive voice: “I don’t care about the fucking neighbors!” I looked at him closely. His eyes were glassy, his hands fidgety, and his scream a high falsetto/mezzo soprano wail. If I only had recorded it because there is no way to adequately describe it. I literally stood transfixed his behavior. I didn't know if I should laugh, run, or cry. I went silent and stopped talking to him the rest of the day while he tried to apologize. I just wanted him to get away from me.

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Divorced Moms Marriage Hell Part 6: Honeymoon to Russia

From Divorced Moms.

Series Part 6 Marriage Hell: Honeymoon to Russia
by Lizzy Smith                    

June 12, 2014

How the heck did I end up married to a man I didn't love and then allow him to abuse me? Good question. I write my story in an effort to try to understand it myself. Welcome to the series, “Marriage Hell.”

Rob and I scheduled our honeymoon for three weeks after our wedding. We were flying to Moscow for a few days and then getting on another flight and heading east to Yekaterinburg, Russia. Seems kind of random, no? Well, there was a reason we were making that particular trip.

The summer before I met Rob, I started the process of adopting a daughter from Russia. By the time I met Rob, I had only completed the home study and received approval from the Office of Homeland Security to bring a child into the United States. When Rob and I decided to marry, we also decided that we would take a "wait & see" approach with the adoption. If we got a referral for a child, we'd review it together and decide if it made sense or not. And we both sort of forgot about it because it was taking so long anyway. About a month prior to our wedding, I got a phone call from my adoption agency. They had an almost two year old girl for me to look at! We received photos and a medical record. The tricky part with this adoption is that she was living in the toughest region in all of Russia to adopt from and it would take three trips to bring her home. Rob and I decided that we would take our honeymoon in Russia and go meet this little girl. We would know right away if she was "ours" or not. We started our adventure by exploring Moscow. We hired a tour guide and got the official version of the main attractions, and then spent a few days exploring on foot by ourselves. It was my third trip to Moscow and Rob’s first. We loved it and discovered one of the best Italian restaurants I’ve ever been too—Mama’s. We stayed in a boutique hotel in a swanky neighborhood and it was awesome. Moscow is an amazing city—beautiful, unique, fascinating and historically significant. I love Red Square and St Basil’s. The shopping is phenomenal if one is a multi-millionaire or better. And, dangit, we didn’t get to see the Bolshoi but, oh well, maybe someday.

But the next phase or our trip was most significant- Yekaterinburg. In Russia (or at least the parts that I’ve visited), the sun almost never sets. It’s trippy. We were flying at 2:30AM and watching the sun set and rise just a few minutes later. I’ll never forget that image. We landed at the airport ad were met by our driver/translator and immediately went to our hotel. Later that day, we were driven to the orphanage to meet "Vika."

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I HATE good byes

I just realized that I really suck at goodbyes.  Always easier to just walk away. And such is that it was time to say farewell to our tour. It is over and I am sad. It is amazing how fast I can get attached to people in just ten days.  Our tour guides were super fun and our fellow tour mates were fascinating.  All of
them so well traveled and fascinating.

Years ago, my assistant and I were talking about George Bush the younger when he was first running for president.  She had lived abroad and thought, as do I, that travel was an essential part of one's intellectual development,  if one can afford it. She was utterly disgusted that Bush, prior to his presidential run, had basically never traveled out of the country. "How is it that a man of his education and with his opportunities never was curious enough to want to see something new? For that reason alone I'd never vote for him."

It is true that travel brings one a different view of the world and that, in my opinion, is really important.  And besides,  I've never met a well traveled person who isn't Interesting.

And that is what it boils down to for me. I want an interesting life. I think I've lived it, oftentimes not by choice and by accident.  But I don't want dull or ordinary.  And I will keep doing things in an attempt to find meaning and purpose. To create memories and experiences. I truly believe it makes me a better person. And it is one of the reasons I take my children with me. William recently challenged me on that one. He thought they too young for this type of trip and I should be taking them to Hawaii instead. I wholeheartedly disagree. I love Hawaii and we've gone there twice on vacation before but taking my children with me on these types of Significant  trips is something I do because I want to go to these places and I want them to come with me. And I want them to have a profound understanding that the world is big and diverse and to respect and understand other cultures. Hopefully to stimulate some type of intellectual curiosity in them. Plus we are  building incredible and unique memories together.  The girls are really great travelers  and despite their young age, (14 and 8) they do appreciate this. We learn a lot together and have really funny stories we have shared together. This is PRICELESS. I hope when they are older they will help make the world better because they 'get it' in their hearts and souls. We talk about this stuff a lot anyway.

So our tour has ended but our trip has not. We left Lake Maggiore and we are back at Lake Como. We are staying in this grand amazing hotel with the fashionable tony people. We dress for dinner. I am so happy we have the dresses I packed for the cruise or I'd feel very out of place and intimidated. We wear cocktail dresses. It's actually cool and I love it. It is the Italian way.

I love it here. I want to live here. I do not want to go home. I want to live in the land of fresh and simple and delicious food, aged olive oil, Fiats, beautiful clothes and shoes, a language I melt over, sipping cappuccino in the afternoons at a sidewalk cafe, Vespas, and church bells. I want to bask in the Italian summer sun, marvel at Roman histoty, and learn a new language.  I feel connected, happy, at peace, healthy, and at home here in the land of 50 percent of my ancestors.

Despite our terrible colds (we have all been sick) I feel healthy. I'm very tired but it feels like a tired of adjusting to new time zones , getting up early, and doing a lot. Since I am taking a break from my myeloma regiment of Dex-Velcade, I don't have the dex crashes. So I am tired but that crushing fatigue hasn't arrived. When we are tired, we take naps-long, stress free luxurious naps where we don't need to wake up until we feel like ut. We rest. This has been a busy trip but also very restful. We sleep, we sit in cafes and spend long times eating, sipping and chatting. Unlike in the US we never feel rushed here to eat and here's your bill please pay so I can get another customer in here. Instead it's luxurious on time and with spectacular food and views there is no rush at all.

Today the girls were sleeping. When I woke up from a  long nap, I didn't want to disturb them. I put on skinny black pants, maroon ballet flats, and a white flow top I bought at Mango in Milan and walked to the nearest cafe. I was starving. It was nearly 5pm, typical dinnertime for me, but dinner here is, at 7:30. I couldn't resist. I ordered a small lemon tort and a cappucino. I sat, at a table overlooking lake Como, sipping my drink, nibbling on pastry, and taking in the grandeur of this beautiful place. Just me surrounded by indescribable beauty and peace. I felt so Italian because I would never ever do this at home.

Yes, I am terrible at goodbyes. Do I need to work on that? Or is it better to just recognize when an End has come and just walk away, no looking back?  Yes, tears and regrets but knowing it is a Close, and just.... call it a day. Which is the more courageous choice? Is happiness to a new level awaiting on that other side? Am I ready to find that out? Because as much as I want to stay forever, in a few days I must get us on a plane bound for home and Real.

Ok actually I'd rather just stay right here. Sigh.

Best part of holiday

I'm super tired so this post will be super short.  The best part of this trip? Relationships!

1. With my kids! This has been most bonding trip ever. Today Siena and I sat together on our drive from Lake Como to Lugano Switzerland,  and then from Lugano to Lake Maggiore.  We chatted most of the way.  Dang she is just as cute as a bug, perceptive and funny. She did my hair one night for dinner (very cute! Pictured here) and my makeup another night (not so good).  Morgan and I have had long intimate chats at the pool and lying in bed til late at night. Tomight wus three girls sat on our balcony til late at night people watching. Entertaining!  I LOVE how people dress for dinner. On this trip,  us too. And I will continue doing so any time I head out for the eve, even when I get home.  Dress like an Italian.  Plus we have done some intense shopping. We can't help it. Everything is so beautiful.  Shoes, bags,  sundreses. Shoes. Dresses. Shoes. But we've done this together!

2. Traveling on thus portion sans William but with my mom and dad has been so important.  They need help and I'm so lucky to be here to help with the journey.  And Morgan has been amazing at helping too. Plus it's been fun to visit the place that my ancestors cane from. That's right... I'm 50 percent Italian!  That's where i get my fighstiness. Take no prisoners.

3. And bonding with those on the tour has been far better than expected. There are a set of 53 year old twins that have turned out to be incredibly kind, fascinating and fun. Extremely fun for a couple of Brits. They took early retirement and travel the world. They love to explore as much as I do. Hey they're the ones who told me to pass the gates where Mussolini was killed (that fascist) and continue to the church and go behind it for best views ever. "We'll save you a seat for dinner," they said. Dang they were right. I was going to skip a three island tour tomorrow but they're going and since they only do super cool stuff, we are going too.  And then there's our tour guide jean luca. We love him. And our bus driver rocks. Who knew this tour would turn out like this? Not just fun, but FUN. I feel 21 and silly again. I haven't done this since I was, like, 25!

All the other stuff has been a huge home run that  I will write, about with photos. But not til after we get back. I so very much want to live in Italy and Croatia.  It beckons me. It is so overpowering right now.

Peace. And, Bueno Note. Sorry for the typos.

Under the Italian Sun

We are at Lake Como and there is no more beautiful place on Earth than this. Sure there are places as beautiful but it is impossible to surpass this. There was a sharp intake of breath from even my hard to impress children at our first view. I'm purposely not posting pics until later because we are doing major exploring today. Our hotel is gorgeous-- a former mansion. Last night after dinner the girls, my dad and I sat at the lake and just took it all in. Talk about living in the moment.

Before arriving here we stopped in Verona,  home of the Romeo and Juliet story. Did you know that Shakespeare never even visited Verona? Well now you do!

As much as we are seeing, I haven't gotten this much rest in forever. I'm taking lots of naps and sleeping sometimes 11 hours at night. It is so nice. The food is amazing. It is all amazing.  And my intent to go to China next just went out the window.  I must come back to Split, Kusudasi, and Southern Italy. Because this is my heaven. I feel peace, joy and all of that good and amazing stuff right here.