Friday, March 11, 2016

The ultimate goal in divorce.... peaceful silence. A guest post from Chris

From Divorced Moms this morning. Thanks, Chris! Great to "meet" you.

From A Guy's Perspective: Peaceful Silence
By Lizzy Smith and Chris
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March 11, 2016
635651377545402480Fotolia_76271441_XS.jpgI recently received a comment on my article, Finding Clarity: The Importance of Documenting Your Relationships from a guy named Chris, which we continued via email. His comments were supportive of point-of-view. He acknowledged the differences in our backstories but offered up his perspective on mine, which I love to hear. I especially love getting perspectives from men. So I asked Chris to write a guest post, as I believe he offers up a very different way of taking in a failed relationship.
Recently there were some heated discussions on social media about how best to respond to an abusive ex’s texts and emails. (I always suggest total silence—bullies love to victimize and if we finally stop allowing it to happen, they almost always show their true colors—they are cowards and the behavior stops.) As luck would have it, this is the topic Chris chose to write about. Silence.
In way of introducing Chris… it’s been many years since he and his ex-wife found a peaceful silence between them. Chris says that are no open loops, no unresolved conflicts, no ill will. About two years after their divorce was final, that peaceful silence just came to both of them, busy with their own new separate lives. Here’s that part of his story… Oh, to be so lucky to have a decent man for an ex! And either way, I think his story is an important one to ponder—moving on, being silent, making peace.
Beautiful, peaceful, necessary silence
By Chris
“There’s a time for departure, even when there’s no certain place to go.” (Tennessee Williams)
The most obvious time for departure came for my then-wife, “Emily”, after she’d made plans to leave. She had started planning long before, cutting threads, giving signals. She probably wanted me to leave, but I had no intention of leaving. I didn’t want her to leave, and didn’t think she actually would. We were both unhappy, but happiness and mutual respect meant more to her than it did to me.