Monday, October 19, 2015

Why Do Some (Mormon) Adults Feel The Need To Narc on Each Other?

So I had an interesting exchange between some Mormon women who are in the single's dating scene (which, honestly, is a freak show of indescribable proportions). One woman shared this story...

"Suzie" met a guy on an on-online Mormon dating web site. Ok, forget anonymity, she met him on LDS Planet. They communicated for a few months and then he drives some five hours to visit her in Las Vegas. She makes him dinner in her home. Afterwards, he announces he has no hotel and so she allows him to sleep on her couch. I just have to repeat this: She allows a man she has never met before and who, really, she doesn't know more than some guy named Joe from Iceland, sleep on her couch and she lives alone. My head hurts just typing this. Suzie goes to bed. At some time in the middle of the night, money-less dream-guy who drove five hours to visit her gets in bed with her and tries to get a little naughty. Nice Mormon woman that she is, she is horrified, insulted and revolted. She tells him to get out. He does, but not until he calls her a prude and all kinds of other names.

Suzie is ranting. What is wrong with these priesthood holders? She screams out. All kinds of women go to her defense. Seriously, these men who hold the priesthood and go to the temple and are good Mormon men should know better, treat women with respect, and all of that. Blah blah blah. I have to remind them that people are people regardless of religious affiliation! Are they for real?

One woman tells Suzie that next time a guy comes to visit, have some married friends allow him to stay in their home. I had to respond to that one. Seriously, WTF. "Do NOT ask your friends to allow some guy you don't know at all to camp out in their home! The safety aspects alone ought to be your first clue that this is a REALLY bad idea."

Duh. Seriously, how old are these women? They are 12-year olds stuffed into adult bodies, that's who they are.

Another says that she needs to contact this guy's bishop and tell on him. Call the guy's Relief Society president, too.

Another WTF. Am I living on Mars or are these women dumber than a box of rocks. I responded to this one, too: "Um, why are you tattling on an adult to another adult? I don't allow my children to narc on each other. They guy did nothing illegal. Granted, he's a major ass but you invited him! Besides, what, exactly is an overworked Bishop going to do anyway? Take his car keys away for a week? Cut off his phone for the weekend?"

Oh, the shaming I got after that comment. "The bishop needs to know! These men need to be called out for their behavior! You think you know everything, Lizzy!" (I didn't say this but, in comparison to this group, well, unfortunately I kind of do.)

I responded with this: "Church shouldn't be a place of shaming and punishing. Church is about learning of Jesus, repentance, developing a relationship with God-- you get the gist. Maybe the guy has a lot of work left to be done, but it's not for a Bishop to shame or punish him for behavior that isn't illegal. And, if he wants to be an ass, it is his prerogative."

And then I had to offer up some Lizzy dating advice, even though it was not solicited (or, dare I say, appreciated). But, really, total stupidity cannot be left ignored because I have a Big Fat Mouth and lots to say. And I have not been given the ability to zip it. I wrote this:

Dating Ladies, Let's be happy that loverboy didn't slit Suzie's throat, rape her, or (as far as we know) steal her identity and drain all her bank accounts. Next, know that she put herself in a highly dangerous situation. He should not have known where she lived. She never should have allowed him in her home. She definitely should not have allowed him a sleepover. He should not know where she works or where her children live. He should, at this point, know almost nothing about her minus her name. They should have met in a (very) public place for dinner. She should have told MANY friends exactly where she was going, when she was expected home, and who she was meeting up with. If the guy did anything illegal, she needs to call the authorities, not a Bishop or Relief Society president. Otherwise, as adults, we don't go tattle telling hoping someone else will fix the un-fixable."

I got this back: "He is Mormon. He is an active priesthood holder. What happened to trust?"

Me: "Mormon women have a reputation for being extremely gullible. STOP it. You have no idea who this guy is. Do a background check. Check social media to make sure he is who he says he is (and isn't married). Verify. Trust develops over a period of time, you don't automatically dole it out. Keep yourself safe. And, when you make huge mistakes, learn from them. You are an adult."

Call me a bitch. Call me whatever you want. But, seriously, this whole Mormon mindset among adults of "when life goes wrong, tattle to the Bishop" is so completely absurd that my head wants to explode. Yesterday, my 15-year old comes to me and said, "Siena called me a bitch." Me: "What exactly would you like me to do about it?" Morgan: "Tell her to stop." Me: "You have a voice. You tell her to stop." Do we parents really not teach our children to start handling their own problems? If my child is bleeding or her sister beats the shit out of her, I want to know. If something dangerous or abusive is going on, I'm all ears. Short of that, deal with it, because that is part of becoming an adult. A skill that far too many Mormon women have yet to develop. Sad. Dangerous, actually.