Monday, November 3, 2014

My birthday week & Divorced Moms column - The Dilemma: Who Comes First, Our Kids Or Our New Love?

This is the week of my 47th birthday! I used to hate birthdays because it meant I was getting older, more wrinkled, and coming closer to death, I thought about age and aging endlessly. But thanks to cancer and multiple myeloma, these days, I celebrate age. Every day I get here, every birthday I achieve, is one big reason to CELEBRATE and CHEER! So this week I will celebrate in some fun and grand ways (I hope) but I can't jinx anything by telling you what or how that is so I'll just be silent for now and report as I can. And, really, if I do absolutely nothing but hang out with the people I love the most, then it's a fabulous birthday anyway.

We are finally getting chilly weather in Utah and I love it! Today I'm wearing a skirt but with tights, boots, a scarf, and a killer faux fur vest. I am warm and cozy and happy, sitting in Starbucks sipping my morning coffee and writing. Perfect. Tonight is Mommy-Morgan date night while Siena is at sewing class, and then I'm ending my evening with Bikram yoga and heading to Williams' house afterwards, all "zen"-ed out.

So today I post my latest on Divorced Moms. Enjoy!

by Lizzy Smith                     
November 03, 2014
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Last week, I watched a Dr. Phil show about a mom, her new hubby and his daughter, and her daughter. Her daughter was doing drugs, steeling her step sister's clothes, not coming home at night, and more. The new hubby didn't like the daughter and openly admitted that he wished she were gone and it was just him, his new wife and his daughter living in their home. The step sister didn't like her either. And Mom said she didn't blame either of them. Dr. Phil was horrified. Stepping into this girl's shoes, she was living in a home where no one liked her. Three people against a 16 year old. What was this girl supposed to do to try and survive living in a household where she wasn't wanted?
Which brings up a very real dilemma. As we start dating again, what happens if our new love isn't all that crazy about our children? And what if our children don't like him either? Who gets top priority? Our wants or the wants and needs of our children?

I was part of this scenario in my past marriage, and it was awful. I went into that marriage totally na├»ve and clueless. No joke-- The Brady Bunch, one of my favorite TV shows of all time, taught me everything I knew about blending families. After all, I am not the product of divorce and neither were most of my friends. The only real blended family I "knew" were the Brady kids and, minus some hiccups, they were one happy crew.

So when I met Rob and we decided to get married, I thought everyone was happy. My daughter, Morgan, was getting a dad, so she was thrilled. And his daughters "Kellie" and "Nicky" were getting a nicer and bigger house with a pool. No problems, right?

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