Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Want to know what life is like when you live with an addict? Here it is, described in it's terrible glory

My latest on Divorced Moms. Enjoy! Well, actually there's nothing enjoyable about living this kind of life. But at least maybe you'll learn something. And maybe if you're living with an addict, this might serve as Step 1 in escaping. Because it is a really sucky life, trust me.

Ever Wonder What Life With An Addict Looks Like? Keep Reading!
October 16, 2014
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When you're married to (or dating) anyone with an addiction, life is hell. There are no exceptions. Is it worth it? No. It's a terrible existence for you, the children, and anyone else in the vicinity.

Addictions come in different forms. There's the alcoholic (I lived with a functioning alcoholic that could hold a job but my hell was just as bad as the next person's), druggy, prescription pill popper, porn addict, gambler who'll hand over the title to your home, shopping addict, sex addict... I could go on, but you get the picture.

If you're living with an addict, here's what you can expect.

He'll lie to you
He is a pathological liar. Everything he does is to cover his addiction. That'll mean lying to you about what money he spends and on what, where he's at, what he's doing, what time he left work, and if he walked the dogs. Big lies and little lies. You cannot trust him because he is simply incapable of earning your trust.

In order to live with this man, you need to set your expectations extremely low and not be surprised or angry when you catch him in one bold faced lie after the next. Can you do this? Doubtful. Unless you give up, have zero self esteem, and are so thoroughly beaten down that there is no dignity left in you. Sound good? Of course not. It's horrid.

His needs will always come before yours (or anyone else's)
He may be capable of doing nice things for you. Sometimes. Usually out of guilt and because he knows you're at the end of your rope. But as things simmer down, he'll be back to being the utterly selfish guy you know. You will do the majority of the work, cover up for his disasters, make excuses for him to others, and do everything possible to try and make him "happy" so he'll have an incentive to get better and be better. It's an exercise in futility, though. There is nothing you can do to make him an improved guy. It's exhausting and frustrating.

In order to survive this guy, you'll need to take all the things you love and put them on the back burner. You'll forget who you are because you are now the person who covers for your mate. Sounds fabulous, right? Wrong.

Keep reading...