Summer Dreamin'

Where has the summer gone? I am dreading the end of it. No, let it stay forever! This has been this best summer in such a long time.

First, of course, there was the trip to Italy, Switzerland, Greece, Turkey and Croatia. I've already written about that extensively.

Second, there was the trip to Southern California where I got to hang out with my very best friends in the whole entire world. On that trip, I also got to reconnect with a very special California friend, which I will leave private (for now). I got to feel surrounded by love and happiness. On the trip, I took lots of power walks with Julie, slept a lot, read a fascinating book, Zealot, which is a fresh take on Jesus, the historical Jesus, not the religious Jesus. Jesus of Nazareth. Wow, what an eye opener.

We also met up with my rockin' awesome former step daughter, Kalie. The girls loved seeing their sister. They love her and miss her. Me, too! After lunch, Kalie and I hung out for a good hour catching up. To think that we had a rough go of it initially is just unfathonable to me because, despite the fact that I'm old enough to be her mom, I find her incredibly smart, wise, and intuitive. I wish I had been that smart at her age. Instead, I was stupid and worried more about partying than anything else. What a waste of time.



We went to Knotts Berry Farm because we have annual passes.

We went swimming a lot. And Morgan's friend, Kiley, who was once our next door neighbor, stayed with us for four days.

We went to Venice Beach. Always entertaining!

My friend, Katherine, and her two daughters came to California, too.


And we went to Big Bear. And Vegas. When we left Vegas, it was 115 degrees outside. Scorcher! While In Vegas, I went to Hell (aka the M&M Store) at Siena's insistence.

Interestingly enough, while in California, my sore eyes weren't sore anymore. My spine, which oddly enough experiences two stabbing pains per day, and has been that way for two solid years, disappeared. Was it the sun? Love? Peace? Good karma? What? So the Big Question is... Do we move after I'm done with my two years of maintenance therapy? Because we can do anything I want to. And that is exciting.

I met up with my old college roomies, Jen and Susan. I saw Susan last year for the first time in about 25 years. The last time I saw Jen was when Morgan and I flew to San Francisco for less than 24 hours so I could get Morgan's Russian passport renewed at the Russian consolate. With her Russian passport in hand, Morgan was able to travel with me and Rob's mom, Peggy, to Moscow to pick up Siena from the orphanage. Hanging out with Susan and Jen was awesome. Despite all these years, it's like no time has past. I love them forever. We have strong ties that bind us. (Side note: I colored my hair really blond. I think I like it.)

But the summer isn't over. Julie and Shane will be here in a few days. Emmy will be here a week later and we'll meet up with Susan again. We're heading up to Jackson Hole. And who knows? I think there may be at least one more surprise visitor.

Because we have no structure these days, Morgan and I have gotten in the habit of watching NCI Miami reruns until 1AM. Sometimes we fall asleep on the couch. Siena doesn't get out of the water. She's become really good friends with Katherine's son, Gavynn. They stay very busy. Tomorrow while Katherine and I meet up for lunch with another friend, we're dropping off the kids at the Discovery Museum at Thanksgiving Point. That'll give us time to go shopping after lunch. Retail therapy with the girlfriends is always fun.

Soon enough, we will have to get back to school and structure and deadlines, bedtimes, and homeword. I AM NOT READY FOR IT. Until then, I will continue reveling in the warmth of summer.

 

The importance (and beauty) of taking breaks

 

If you've been reading my blog, you know I'm leaving for Italy TOMORROW! And as part of this trip, I am technically taking a two week break from myeloma treatment. Well, sort of. I will still take thalidomide every night but I won't get the Velcade injection weekly, nor will I take any Dex. Yay, no Dex crashes and highs. As I write this, I am in clinic getting my Velcade. Then next week, I get a break, and the following week a break, and then we fly home on June 19 and I will be back in clinic on June 20 to pick up with Velcade. So I am missing two weeks of treatment, though we will be on travel for about three weeks.

My body needs these breaks. It's like it has a big time celebration when I take these breaks. These drugs are intense and they have saved my life. But taking breaks is a good thing. My body responds so beautifully to breaks. I will most likely experience my Dex crash in about two days (sometimes I skip it, sometimes the crash comes earlier or later), and then a week later, it's like I start feeling normal again. I mean, as "normal" as one can feel considering I still take Thalidomide, which lowers my immune system. I take it at night, though, so I sleep most of those side effects off. So as I ramble, the bottom line is that Breaks Are Necessary and Good in myeloma. And I am (almost) as excited to go to Italy as I am to saying NO to treatment for a bit.

...Which gets me to thinking about breaks and vacations. They are so necessary, both mentally and physically. This trip to Italy is One Big Break from:

-Routine
-My current life

By "My Current Life," I mean that I can not be defined by cancer, myeloma, divorce, or any of it. I write a ton about those topics because they are my platform, my story, and my passion. But getting away from all of that is a good thing. A mental and physical break. I won't have clinic appointments, injections, labs... none of it. My body will start responding accordingly. Instead of feeling 80 percent of my pre treatment self, I might start feeling closer to 90 percent. Seriously, I'm not even sure I remember what it felt like to be normal, it's been so long. And these breaks are part of the healing process. I come back renewed with vigor to fight some more and to carry on with my new life's mission. It's amazing that at the age of 44 I can completely and totally change focus. How radically different my life looks these days and, cancer aside, I like it so much better. To have a passion and a reason is a really cool thing. Not that I'm happy I got cancer. Oh, Lord, no, I don't with this on anyone. But I did and so I make the best of it.



I achieved a huge milestone last Thursday: Kelsey, my favorite hairstylist and very good friend, took out my last hair extensions! It's official: all my hair is all mine! It's been over two years since I had all my own hair at a length I am comfortable with. Brushing my hair the other day was just so... weird... and fabulous! I washed my hair and I had total poodle hair. The next morning, I flat ironed it and, hey, I look like the old me! I can do this.

Yesterday, in preparation of our trip, the girls and I enjoyed a spa day. It was super fun. Morgan got a wax and mani, Siena got a spa pedi, I got a spa pedi and wax, and I treated my mom to a full facial and wax. I love girl spa days!

And while we were at the spa, William and his brother hiked Timpanogos Cave. We did this same hike last summer and it is beautiful and strenuous. When they got out of the caves, they stumbled upon my greatest fear EVER-- a rattlesnake. So help me God, if I had been with them on that hike (and I was supposed to be) I would have had a heart attack. Instead, John challenged William to get really close to it. Oh my gosh. Snakes are my biggest fear. My biggest nightmare ever was about a month before I left my husband. In this dream, I was sitting in the back of my husband's old Honda CRV Rob was driving and I was where the dogs would have been, or groceries- the very back part of the car. And on the back seat was a rattlesnake, coiled up but with its head up and peering over the back seat staring at me. I was as scrunched up against the back corner of as possible, screaming: "Stop the car, let me out!" And Rob said, "Just relax, the snake won't hurt you." And just then, the snake calmly slithered over the back of the seat and started attacking me-- bam, bam, bam. And I started screaming: "STOP. LET ME OUT LET ME OUT!!!" as the snake kept attacking attacking attacking. And Rob kept driving, refusing to stop and let me out. There was nowhere for me to turn, all I could do was cover my head with my hands and arms as the snake kept attacking and I continued screaming. And I woke up, drenched in sweat, heart pounding. It was 4:00 AM. Unable to go back to sleep and in total horror, I got up, took a shower, and went to work early. All kinds of Freudian ways to interpret that dream!


Rattlesnakes aside, I will go back to my trip. The girls are packed, my clothes are packed, and when I get home from this appointment, I will pack up my "extras"-- the passports, meds, vitamins, essential oils, toiletries and makeup, flat iron, book (I'm reading Zealot, about the historical Jesus, and it is fascinating), and magazines (InStyle and Vanity Fair), and toothbrushes. A quick night's rest, and off we will go. The girls will go to school for all of 45 minutes and I'll get them out early and airport bound we are. The girls were never excited about this trip until Sunday when we packed them up together. For the first time, it set in that we are leaving. Morgan started screaming: "I can't believe we are going to Italy! Oh my gosh I am so excited!" It was so cute. Siena hasn't stopped talking since Sunday, bless her heart. Non stop chatterbox. I just hope she crashes and sleeps when we get on the plane because, Lord knows, she basically hasn't slept for several days and it's driving me bat crazy.

Last night, Morgan had another reason to be excited. She went to her eighth grade graduation dance and danced a lot with her Big Huge Crush. Now they are texting each other back and forth and she is just one very happy and excited girl. Oh, the joys of first time (perhaps reciprocated) crushes. That butterflies I can't eat or sleep feeling. It's so cute watching her glow, unable to concentrate on much. Last night, we laid in bed together while she talked and talked and showed me photos that her friends took of the two of them dancing and talking. She looked so pretty in a new dress we bought for her-- white with blue/white skirt, a fit and flair style. She curled her hair in beach wave tresses and she just looked adorable. My little tiny Russian girl is grown up and beautiful. I'm so proud of her. There are few things I love more than lying in bed with my girls and just chatting and listening to them talk. We don't do it often enough.

Ok, dear readers, I will blog if possible from Europe. I'm assuming my phone will work over there and I can post photos and short stories so hopefully you'll hear from me. My Big Break. My Big Vacation. My mental and physical respite.

Deer Valley - oh my!

William and I spent the weekend in Deer Valley, which is just up the road from Park City, Utah. I am embarrassed to say that though I've now lived in Utah for almost two years, and lived in this state from 1986-1992 when I was in college, and have visited Utah more times than I can count, I've never been to Deer Valley. Like, seriously, I've never even driven past it. In fact, I wasn't exactly sure where it was.

So on our quest to explore and try new things, we headed off to the Chateaux. On the day that we left, the Wasatch mountain got its first wicked snowstorm of the year. The snow was falling so heavily that we opted to leave the cars at home and drive the Escalade-- heavy duty all wheel drive. Thank goodness we did. Half way up Parley's Canyon and the drive became treacherous. Yay for solid vehicles because we made it to our destination.

And when we arrived, it literally took my breath away. It took me a moment before I could take it in and find my voice. My heart pounded and I was awestruck.

I looked at William with a huge smile. "I love being up here with you already!" I said. Actually, I think I squealed. I know, this is so hokey, right? Ok, whatever. Guilty.

We found our hotel and pulled into a heated parking garage and valet service. The lobby was spectacular. Enormous windows overlooking the Deer Valley ski resort, big huge fireplaces, overstuffed leather chairs, huge wooden beams and stone walls. It was everything an ultra swanky luxurious mountain property should be.

 

It was opening ski weekend at Deer Valley and a few really dedicated skiers were already on the slopes, despite the fact that it was crazy snowing and it was cold. We were fine watching them and enjoying having a few drinks snuggled up on comfy couches listening to a very good band and watching football games.

 

 

We went up to our room to put our stuff away and take a short break. It was my dream room. Cozy, intimate, and comfortable. We turned on the fireplace, opened up the drapes and watched the snow, and counted ourselves lucky to be there.

 

 

Back to the bar, we ordered delicious food, had a few more drinks, and retired early for the night to watch more football in our room and cozy up in front of our fireplace. Watching the snow come down in such peace and breathtaking beauty while the storm raged outside was spectacular. I slept like a baby knowing I was safe from all the bad elements life can offer up. Well, at least that moment, I felt very safe and protected in every way. Peaceful and joyful are words that come to mind.

 

 

In the morning, we turned back on the fireplace, took our time showering and getting dressed, and then exploring the property across the street - the Stein Erikson Lodge-- a hotel I'd heard about in almost whispered tones -- since I was in college. This was the lodge that all the fashionable and really successful people went to. Clearly, at that time in my life, the Lodge was so out of my league that I didn't dare even step foot near those hallowed doors. This time was a whole new reality and I felt perfectly at home parking the Escalade with valet in their heated parking garage and walking around the lodge like we belonged there.

 

 

 

The Stein Erikson Ski Shop had the most beautiful ski clothes I have ever seen. I can't even think of a close second-- not at Banff, Canada or Mammoth or Veil or Heavenly or... well, anywhere. This was just crazy cool and beautiful stuff. Of course, the coats that William and I were eyeing were $1,980 and $3,000 respectively. Tempting, but we passed. You know- a couple ski coats or a week in the Carribean over spring break? Easy decision. Ok, maybe not an easy decision because I would love to have purchased that silver puffy ski jacket from a European manufacturer that I could never pronounce.

 

After way too much coffee, we drove into Park City for breakfast, then drove around looking at houses at Jeremy Ranch, and then headed to the airport, where I dropped William off for his week in Seattle visiting his oldest daughter, a bank manager, and her husband, who are having the first baby in several more months. 

 

After dropping bidding adieu, it was back to my girls. "We miss you so much when you're gone, Mommy," Morgan said. My heart melted. My love bubble. I never want to leave it. I'm so lucky, so blessed.

 

Siena decided that the three of us needed to go to lunch- somewhere they wait on us so we can just sit and chat and put our phones away. We are quite limited in the part of Utah in which we live. First, there really are no good restaurants- they are all chains. Not even good chains. We're talking Applebees (gag). Second, it was a Sunday and the few decent places we like to eat are closed. So we ended up at one of the worse restaurants on the planet, if you ask me: Olive Garden. Our lunch was - you guessed it -- perfectly gagworthy. It reminded me why I never ever never go there. The last time I went was, like, five years ago. I can't imagine ever going back. That said, we played many rounds of tic tac toe and talked a lot, so I really don't remember who truly awful the food was.

 

Tomorrow, my mother is going under the knife and I'm taking her and staying with her the first night before we come home on Tuesday. My mom has been an incredibly amazing caregiver to me these past two years (well, she's been terrific her whole life to me) so I am honored to be able to pay just a bit back. I hope I'll do a good job.

 

To health, love, joy and beauty. It's what the Christmas season is all about, no?