My latest on Divorced Moms!


Warning Flag: If He's a Bad Dad, He's a Bad Guy
by Lizzy Smith                    

August 18, 2014

 

A man who fails his kids is bad news. So as I date, this is one area in which I pay close attention. How is his relationship with his children? I ask lots of questions, listen and observe. It’s amazing how quickly red flags can pop up. Such is the case with “Jack,” a guy I met a few years ago.

Jack and I seemed to hit it off rather quickly and we started spending a lot of time together. One day, we went for a walk and Jack started talking about one of his daughters, “Chloe”. Chloe was just six years old when Jack married her mother and legally adopted her soon after. As a teen, Chloe went through some hard times. She was rebellious and had some substance abuse issues, which caused all sorts of drama in the home. Today, however, Chloe seems to be doing well—she’s living on her own, working, and a functioning member of society. I asked Jack more about his current relationship with Chloe and he brushed it off, “We don’t talk, there is no relationship and there never will be again.”

I was stunned. “Why not?”

“She’s not my blood,” he said matter-of-factly, as if this was the most natural response in the world. Not my blood? Did he really just say that? I was speechless and felt like he had almost kicked me in the gut. This was way too close to home for me. I adopted both of my daughters from orphanages when they were age two and three respectively. I love them more than I knew was possible. Seeing them in their orphanage setting and then physically rescuing them from that situation was the most awesome experience of my life. I instantly developed a profound love and respect for both of them. Under no circumstance could I ever fathom writing them off because we didn't share DNA. There are several children that I love so intensely that I would raise them as my own should the need ever arise. Perhaps Jack had no concept of what love meant.  

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Divorced Moms column: Hey Tori: Here is a Lesson You Failed to Learn

My latest Divorced Moms column is out! I will write forever about how important it is to select a partner of good character. Because if you knowingly select a mate who has major character flaws, then you deserve the asshole you've selected. Trust me, I've lived the Hell and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. In Tori's case, it's infidelity. Here goes...

Hey Tori: Here is a Lesson You Failed to Learn
by Lizzy Smith                    

April 28, 2014

Let me paint a scenario. You’re married and there are no serious problems in your marriage. You fly off to, say, Toronto, for a business trip. While there, you meet a guy you find incredibly handsome and you’re drawn to him. Thing is, he’s married with a young son. Oh, right, and you’ve got a husband at home waiting for you. Oh well, hormones can’t be controlled and you have an affair. Turns out, you fall for him. Hard. You two are in love and you both leave your spouses and eventually marry. Several years later, and after four children, you find out your hubby is cheating on you. You’re hurt, devastated and feel betrayed. It is painful beyond belief. You’re not eating or sleeping. Your children are confused. Where’s daddy? Why is mommy acting so strange and sad?

But, while this whole thing is awful, should you be surprised? And how sorry should your friends really feel for you? You destroyed the man’s prior family (and your own), after all. Truth is, most of your friends (behind your back) felt sorry for the spouses you both ditched and the pain you caused them (not to mention the pain inflicted on the innocent child left behind). 

This is the story of actors Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott. And so many, many other couples. You probably know some yourself. Maybe you’ve even found yourself in a similar situation.

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