On Friday, I started off my week (or longer) of absolutely not sugar, sugar substitutes or most processed foods. There are some foods that come in a package that have just a few ingredients that are perfectly safe and fine. I'm also, to the best of my ability, staying away from anything GMO. So far, so good. The tricky part is that those terrible additives are lurking everywhere so while I haven't been perfect, it's because I've realized after the fact that yucky things are hiding in my seemingly safe foods.
On Friday, I weighed in at 135.6 pounds. I am 5'8". I ate oatmeal with flax seeds, chia seeds, and loads of organic berries and bananas. I went to my clinic appointment (which ended up taking four hours oh my gosh), got hungry and ate an organic granola bar (which I will never eat again because it had some sugar in it). For lunch, I ate a spinach salad with watermelon and broiled catfish. They drizzled it with balsamic vinegar and olive oil and after a taste, realized that the drizzle was sweetened. See? It is hard staying away from sugar. They put it everywhere so that we eaters become totally addicted to the food and eat more of it. It is poison. It is more addictive than cocaine. That is no lie. In the afternoon, I ate cashews and organic apples. And for dinner, I found the most amazing sprouted organic whole grain baguette and dipped it in organic hummus that I sprinkled with curcumin and olives and big huge shrimp. The problem is that I dipped some of the shrimp in cocktail sauce that has, you guessed it, sugar. I then went to Costco and was talked into buying $24 of AmberLyn chocolates because, they said, had no sugar, no sucralose and no artificial sweeteners. Except, it is sweetened with maltitol, which is not good. So I'm not eating anymore. Yes, they tasted yummy but I do not want to eat this shit.
Oh well, I am trying!
On Saturday, I weighed in at 134.8 pounds. I ate oatmeal, and grilled veggies, hummus, shrimp, smoothies... I ate and ate. In the morning, I met my friend from high school, Beth, and we went to a seminar taught my another friend of ours from high school, Susan. The entire class was about "inflammation, the silent killer." And guess what the number one poison is? Sugar! It was very fun and informative. In fact, when William gets back home, I am going to (try) and schedule a private cooking class with this girl and maybe do a group cooking class at her home where she picks veggies out of her garden and cooks and we all enjoy a glass of vino and eat the spoils. Sounds fun, eh? Me thinks so!
Beth, Susan and I after the class hosted by Susan's company. It was called Inflammation, The Silent Killer. It's always fun hanging out with girls from my childhood. I love them and we go so far back.
After our class, Beth and I went and ate Ethiopian food. It was good, different, and Beth and I got to catch up a bit. She works at the University of Utah medical center, which is just a stone's throw from the Huntsman Cancer Institute where I am treated yet we rarely have time to connect for lunch. Pathetic to be sure but at least we got to see each other on Saturday. And it was awesome seeing Susan. Interesting side note: In college, Susan and I were driving through the Nevada canyons in December and we got in a terrible car accident. It was a very bonding moment for us and an experience I will never forget.
On Saturday evening the combo of my sugar crash and crashing early from my Dex was a very bad combo. Siena, exhausted and cranky, had a bit of a temper tantrum and while she was in the tub washing her hair and having a total meltdown, her nose started bleeding. It looked really frightening and it ended up being a really horrible way to end the day. I went to bed feeling like the most evil, awful mother and human being in the entire world. Thank goodness that today has (so far) gone so much better. Lots of extra love and cuddles and kisses. Parenthood has it's challenges.
Today I weighed in at 134 pounds. Let's see how this whole "no sugar" thing goes. I'd love to weigh 130 pounds by our trip so that when I gain 10 pounds I don't look like a walking oompa loompa. Or, maybe if I follow William's lead, I won't gain a lot of weight at all. But I am also really curious to see if the inflammation I feel around my rib cage almost all the time will go away. That would be so nice. Or if I can feel less fatigue on my fatigue days. Or if my chemo brain will ebb a bit. Granted, many of the side effects I just mentioned are because I'm on heavy duty drugs and maybe nothing at all will help. But I do know that sugar does nothing for me physically and probably does a ton of harm.
Back in my prior life, pre diagnosis and pre split from my husband, I obsessed with baking and desserts. I loved to bake and bake and bake and eat lots of cookie dough. A few months ago, I decided I was going to bake a birthday cake from scratch from my dad. I found the perfect recipe and Siena and I put on our baker's aprons and off we went. I started frosting that cake and it looked awful and I wasn't into it. As my daughters looked on in horror and disbelief, I chucked the whole thing in the garbage and we drove off to the bakery and bought a cake instead. It's just not me anymore. Interesting.
Tonight I am making a caprese and chicken baguette sandwich and a shrimp/mango/avocado salad. For dessert, we're having "ice cream" from my trusty Yonana machine. That ice cream will actually be simply a frozen banana with berries on it. Now that is a dessert I can live with and enjoy guilt free.
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