How many times have we entered a new relationship with the guy of our dreams and then… proceed to try and change him? The relationships starts out exciting and he is perfect—the way he dresses, smells, his hobbies. Sure his friends might be a little annoying and you have yet to meet his kids, but those are all minor (especially since the sex is so great). Ok, well, maybe you really aren’t crazy about the way he eats or his restaurant choices, or the fact that he love college basketball and you hate it. He also misuses his favorite word, poignant, and that drives you insane. In fact, now that you really think about it, it’s clear he doesn’t even know what that word (plus a whole lot more) even means. Still, Mr. Hottie is perfect, quirks and all. Right?
It’s now many months into the relationship and when he takes you to dinner at his favorite dive, you’re not amused. He knows you’re trying to be healthy and shed a few pounds yet he’s treating you to a night of overly-oiled and cheesed-up pasta, bread and a bottle of cheap wine. “This is a poignant moment,” he says gleefully. You smile but want to smack him. “WRONG WORD CHOICE,” you want to scream.
You manage to keep your mouth shut and smile (this time). Instead, you decide to subtly start changing him (you hope he won’t even notice). A few tweaks here and there and your guy really will be perfect.
You buy him some new clothes because you can’t stand his sweats and oversized San Diego Chargers jersey. Hooray, he wears them without protest! You start cooking more meals at home—grilled fish and veggies, red beans, fresh fruit. He eats them! Instead of agreeing to a couple’s fishing trip, you book London for seven days that includes museums, a play, and a day at The Tower. He goes with you and it’s one of your favorite trips ever.
…But then he starts resenting you. You start arguing over … the game on TV, movie choices, the color of the comforter (you want to buy him a new one), what to buy at the grocery store. Life is suddenly contentious. Fun and satisfying relationship is vanishing fast. What happened?