Anyhoo, while my daughters were in San Diego, all four girls spent time with a woman I once despised-- Rob's ex-wife, "Tina". I've written about this before but we women need to really stop taking sides when it comes to the men in our lives and their ex's. I wasted so much time taking sides against Tina when, in reality, she is an awesome person and I consider her a very good friend of mine. She is smart, funny and witty. And, if you ask my girls, she is fun and a great cook. During my marriage, instead of forging positive relationships, I sided with a man who was abusive, a bully, explosive, and a liar. This choice of mine hurt everyone-- the children (particularly Bob and Tina's kids), Tina, me... Because I helped enable Bob to continue drinking, not owning up to his behavior, and continually going after Tina in court. Shame on me. I have done my best to apologize and make amends (which Tina has accepted) and I am writing about this topic so that hopefully, a few women will take my advice and do the same.
What should you do and how should you behave if you're in this situation? At a minimum, shut your mouth. When your guy talks poorly about his ex, give him hugs and say things like "I'm so sorry that is happening." Now start watching him carefully-- maybe HE was the problem in the relationship. This would be a warning flag. Either way, whether is an innocent awesome guy or a tyrant, remember that "silence is golden." When you run into your guy's ex, try smiling, saying hello. Better yet, introduce yourself if that's comfortable. I ran into my current husband's ex wife at a football game. I walked up to her and we hugged. No drama between us and I'll be damned if it's not going to stay that way. Because adding gasoline to a burning fire is just shameful and, well, it is wrong. Don't do it. And, most important of all, never (like EVER) say bad things about the ex in front of the kids.
I'll be done here, you can read more below.