Divorced Moms Wedding Hell Series Part 5

 

From www.divorcedmoms.com

 

Series Part 5 Marriage Hell: My (Very) Sad Wedding Day

by Lizzy Smith

June 09, 2014

How the heck did I end up married to a man I didn't love and then allow him to abuse me? Good question. I write my story in an effort to try to understand it myself. Welcome to the series, “Marriage Hell.”

The day of our wedding arrived and I got up really early. First, I started cutting up fruit for a gigantic fruit platter. It took forever as a sliced, cut and rinsed. I started crying while Rob slept soundly. When that was done, I started getting dressed. I loved my wedding dress, Morgan looked gorgeous in her pink flower girl dress, and Nicky looked so pretty, too. Rob wore navy linen shorts and a cream colored short sleeved shirt from Tommy Bahama. On his feet were nice leather men’s flip flops. It was a very nice look for all of us—pretty, casual, and perfect for an outdoor summer San Diego wedding.

By all accounts, our wedding and reception was going to be beautiful and fun. And yet I was in a panic. I had a vision. I wanted, more than anything I've ever wanted in my entire life, to get in my car, wedding dress and all, and drive to Tom's house and not show up for my wedding. I had a million scenarios in my head on how that would work. Just like in a movie. I'd show up on Tom's doorstep. He would be there, see me, I'd tell him I loved him and I almost made a big mistake. He'd grab me and kiss me and then we'd live happily ever after. I couldn't quite imagine in my head I would explain it all our wedding guests on why I didn't show up. Or how I'd tell Rob. Or how I'd move out of our big house and get out from under that financial albatross. Or how I’d explain to Morgan why I had made such a big mistake and then backtracked out of it and all of it was a big “never mind.”

Keep reading http://divorcedmoms.com/blogs/lizzy-smilez/series-part-5-marriage-hell-my-very-sad-wedding-day

Split, Croatia. Can I live here please?

Our last cruise stop blew me away. Split Croatia was that perfect Mediterranean town- hot, beautiful,  lots of ocean, lots of history.  I want to live here next summer for three months. William and I started talking about it. It is all Pie in the Sky stuff now but he suggested maybe a few weeks or a month in Split and explore the 150 islands here and more, then rent a place in Greece for several weeks, the maybe Kusadasi, Turkey. .. A lot has to work out for that to happen, namely my health. But every Bold idea starts with a thought,  right?

Last Tues we had a sea day. I was exhausted.  Mind numbing crushing fatigue.  I slept at the pool all day.  Wednesday wasn'tb much better. Thursday I was popping pain mess before we headed to Ephesus when William noticed I was taking night time No - quil. IN THE MORNINGS!!! Note to all readers: this is a very bad idea. I think I missed my dex crash and I'm taking a break until June 20. I still have been tired though because both Siena and I have been so dang sick. And now William flew back to the USA today now sick. And he is never sick.  This challenge aside, so far this might be the best trip we have ever been on.

The girls and I just ate an incredibly delicious pasta dinner in Milan and we are now resting up in our hotel. Tomorrow we connect with my parents, check in to a new hotel, shop and explore. Monday we connect with our tour group, explore Milan some more and head to Northern Italy. Looking forward to it!

Today. Visiting the Ancient World

While we were getting on the ship in Italy, my dear friend, Mandy Doloughan Rumble, passed away from colon cancer. She was 44 years old and leaves behind a husband and two young daughters. I don't remember a time not knowing Mandy. We grew up in the same small town in Bishop and in high school, we were partners in our countless drives to Mammoth Mountain to hang out with ski instructors, ski and have fun. We both graduated from high school and went to Hawaii to celebrate together, along with our friends Elida and Robyn. Afterwards, I came to Utah for college and she went to Cal Poly. We stayed in touch. When I was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, a few weeks later, she was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer. We connected as we were both starting chemo at the same time. I lamented to her one day: Mandy, we are going to lose all of our hair and maybe our eyelashes and eyebrows too! She responded: I don't care about my hair. I just want to live. I felt "this" small. Me, too. Please, Lord, let me live. Please let us both live. I sobbed and sobbed. Cancer is so evil.

Just this past December, I asked her if we should gather up our daughters and take a trip somewhere. Where would we go? Disney World? Bahamas? We never got to take that trip. She told me that she would be on major chemo indefinitely. Of everyone in her family, her husband was taking it the hardest. He was angry that this had happened to her. To him. To their family. Before I told her I had left my husband in the wake of my own cancer diagnosis, she said, "I'm sure Bob is going through the same thing." Well, not exactly, Mandy. Maybe it's easier that way.

Cancer gives you a passion to live. Every single day. Live big and grand and without regrets. To create memories and to make joy wherever you can find it.

And yesterday, that memory was Turkey. Ephesus. Perhaps the coolest thing I've ever experienced. Close to where the Virgin Mary spent her last days. Just over the hill from the major ruins of the city of Ephesus. And it was very hot. And windy. Thank goodness for the wind. Without it, it would have been incredibly uncomfortable. Come to think of it, it was uncomfortable anyway. The night prior, both Siena and I ended up at the Medic and were nursing horrible colds with lots of antibiotics and meds. I decided to take myself off of Thalidomide for a few days. It weakens my immune system and I need time to recover. I am sick endlessly. I get "better" for a week and then start all over again. Ugh! But we pushed through our colds and thank goodness we did. It was worth it a million times over. We learned so much and took loads of photos. And lunch was delicious. I love Mediterranean food-- figs, olives, cucumber-yogurt cold soup, olive oil over couscous. The thought of eating a cheeseburger and chips makes me want to gag. (Side note: I've lost two pounds on this trip. William keeps me running up stairs endlessly, even if I do feel crappy. I feel stronger and better and I haven't seen the inside of an elevator on this trip. Pushing myself is good. A sense of accomplishment.)

The Ancient World is my latest interest. I want to read Ephesians. My next Big Trip must be the Holy Lands. I thought China would be next but if we can afford it, I think it must be where Jesus walked and did His ministry. Or maybe back to Greece, just the islands (which Morgan really wants to do; Siena just wants to go anywhere and everywhere-- it's all an adventure).

And so it is that we spend a day at sea, sleeping and sleeping some more. And tomorrow, back to Croatia for a day. And then we are done with this portion of our trip. I am excited to explore more of Italy, too.

Amazing.

Divorced Moms: Series Part IV Marriage Hell: My Wedding Day Looms. Help Me!

Published this morning on Divorced Moms!

Series Part 4 Marriage Hell: My Wedding Day Looms. Help Me!

by Lizzy Smith

June 05, 2014

 

How the heck did I end up married to a man I didn't love and then allow him to abuse me? Good question. I write my story in an effort to try to understand it myself. Welcome to the series, “Marriage Hell.”  

Rob and I moved into our new home on June 1 and our wedding was just two months later on August 4. The time between the two big events were insanely busy unpacking, getting settled, planning a wedding, and attempting to get our three kids established in their new routines and rules. Some days were fun. I loved having a home and really threw myself into painting and decorating and making our new home "ours." I loved nesting (when I wasn't on the verge of a panic attack).

There were days that I would think, "At 39 years old, I finally have what I've always wanted- a husband, children, home, good career, and pets. This is how it's supposed to be. I've arrived!”

And there were other days that I was not Ok at all. One day I was at work and was on a long and very boring conference call. I went to Realtor.com and there was the condo in Pacific Beach that my seven year old daughter and I were living in before we moved into our new home. It was officially for sale. I got teary. That was my house! I wanted it back more than anything. I didn’t want to be getting married. I didn’t want the big house. I wanted simplicity. I wanted cozy, cute and fresh. I wanted my old life back.

Instead, I switched sites and ordered my wedding dress online.

Keep reading...

The Parthenon!

We left on our trip on Thursday, May 30. What a fun way to start a trip-- in the ER getting Siena's nose cauterized. She has been up almost every single night for the past week (sometimes several times per night) with a bloody nose. So after almost no sleep, I woke up early and took her to the hospital. Morgan went to school for 15 minutes, just enough time to pick up her yearbook, and off we went to the airport.

After long cramped flights on Delta (OMG can they make those seats any smaller?) we landed in Venice. We had two options-- a private boat to the St Marks Square, or a public boat. Since the public transport was much cheaper and because, why not, we took that option. It was beautiful. Our hotel was beautiful. Totally not corporate, quaint, and historic. I melted when I saw it and our views were exactly what I pictured when I heard of Venice. The girls' room looked over red tiled rooftops and a church. Mine and Williams room looked over, well, red tiled rooftops. We allowed ourselves to sleep two hours and we dragged ourselves out and started walking. St Marks square, the canals, pizza and churches and the shopping! Venice was more than I expected. Absolutely amazing and I felt like I was home. I want to move there. I love London but, really, I LOVE Venice. I can see myself living somewhere in Italy. Ask me more in a couple weeks if I still feel that way because after this cruise, we will spend more time in Northern Italy. 

The next day, we got on our ship. And then we arrived in Dubrovnik, Croatia. We spent three hours walking the fortress that surrounds the Old Town portion of the city. Impressive and beautiful. Historically significant. I love!

And then a day at sea...

Today, we are in Athens! Are there words to describe the Parthenon? The answer is no. 

Tomorrow we are touring Ephesus, Turkey. And then Split, Croatia. I'd write a lot more and post a whole lot more photos but I'm paying, like, a million dollars to use the Internet on the ship. More later. But I wanted to let you all know we are alive and having a lot of fun.

Except... guess who is sick again? Me! I have a horrible cold and cough. Last night, I started self medicating with an antibiotic that my doctor's office gave me "just in case". And, of course, Siena is sick, too. Oh my gosh I'm not sure I've ever been to Europe and not been sick. Of course, I am sick all the time these days. Even William asked me if he's ever known me and I haven't been sick. I thought about that for about a second and said no. I am never ending sick. I'm thinking of taking myself off thalidomide for a week. Thalidomide helps lower my immune system. Apparently, it kicks my immune system in the ass. Should I or shouldn't I? All I know is this is not cool. 

Sick or not, I will not allow anything to keep me down. I will now go pop some cold meds, take a shower, and get ready for dinner.

Did I ever say how much I love to travel? 

Cheers!

Divorced Moms column: Series Part 3 Marriage Hell: The Kids Are Not Alright

My latest in the series Marriage Hell on Divorced Moms.

Series Part 3 Marriage Hell: The Kids Are Not Alright

by Lizzy Smith

June 03, 2014

 

How the heck did I end up married to a man I didn't love and then allow him to abuse me? Good question. I write my story in an effort to try to understand it myself. Welcome to the series, “Marriage Hell.”

When Rob and I started dating, we raced forward with our relationship (a huge mistake, but hindsight is, as they say, 20-20). I was concerned about Morgan, my daughter who was seven years old at the time and in first grade. Was she alright with my dating? Post my divorce, I had dated two men: Dan and Tom. She knew Dan well and we spent a lot of time with him and his two daughters who were Morgan's age. We even traveled together. But beyond a simple hug, she never saw us be affectionate and she knew Dan simply as Mommy's friend. Morgan never met Tom until last summer, some two years after Rob and I split.

Now here was Rob, pushing hard to prove that he was the “real deal.” After several months, I told Morgan that Mommy was dating Rob. At first, she thought it really weird and then she got used to it. When Rob and I decided to buy the new house and we told her that we were getting married, she was ecstatic. In the few months Rob and I had dated, Rob and Morgan became very close. She loved him and she went to school and told her teacher that "My mom and I are getting married to Rob!" And she quickly called him Daddy. Morgan and Rob became inseparable. She loved to do all the things that Rob did-- diving off a boat, fishing, playing with lobsters and dead fish, you name it. And Rob loved Morgan. It literally melted my heart to see the two of them together. Their relationship is the one thing that held me together during my moments of panic and regret.

Rob's two daughters Kellie and Nicky? Well that was a very different story. First, Rob told me that his girls were fine with his dating again. He and his ex-wife, Tina, had separated in July, six months prior to our meeting, and Tina had a new boyfriend and everyone had moved on. As it turned out, that wasn't true. Tina had actually just moved out of their home a few weeks prior to our meeting and his girls were in deep emotional pain. In my defense, I had no idea. Completely clueless, I was or trust me, I would never in a million years have started dating this man. He lied to me and I simply took him at his word. Big Huge Mistake.

Keep reading...

My European Update

And here we are in Europe!  I am right now sitting on a bus in Athens.  And I am sick. Again. I loved Venice. I want to live there. And Dubrovnik rocks.uch more later.