Friday, May 6, 2016

Setting boundaries: Sticking up for ourselves is a really good idea

Oh, heart be still. This is one topic I am beyond passionate about-- setting boundaries! This holds true for all relationships in our lives-- human or otherwise. Because if we put up with horrible behavior, or behavior that hurts us, we pay a huge price for it. My latest via Divorced Moms.

Ready To End Up With A Jerk? Let Him Treat You Like Shit
by Lizzy Smith                    

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May 06, 2016
635649157438286545Fotolia_62674579_XS.jpgTonight, I am horrified. I just spoke with a friend, “Dana” at a support group. Here was her question:
 
“I’m dating this guy that I’m super into. He is dating and sleeping with other women and has told me this. This really hurts and I’ve tried to be ok with it but I’m not. It really hurts. Am I being selfish for wanting monogamy?”
 
I almost fell out of my chair. And then I REALLY almost fell out of my chair when I heard others in the support group hem and haw. Many of the comments were a variation of “maybe.”
 
Are you fucking kidding me? I wanted to scream. But I thought better of it. Instead, I tried to be somewhat civil but I apparently came on too strong. I told her that…
  • You are NOT being selfish EVER for expecting a guy to treat you well.
  • If a relationship hurts, you (EVERYONE) should RUN and NEVER look back. That is true for a guy one is dating, a friend, an employer, neighbors, a religion… Because relationships that hurt are abusive.
  • You should set high standards and boundaries and know that if those people (or entities) in your life violates them, hanging around is a really bad idea.
  • You owe no one apologies for sticking up for yourself.
  • You should trust your instincts and not be afraid to act on them.
  • If he’s sleeping with other women, he’s just not that into you. Because if he was, he wouldn’t be out there looking for better. (I mean, if that’s ok with her, she either has super low self-esteem to put up with this or then she’s not “that into him” either.)
  • Expecting monogamy is not all that high a standard to expect. (Sure, initially, if one sleeps with a guy super fast, you can't expect monogamy. But if you've been dating for awhile and he's still sleeping with others and not even making an effort to hide it from you, that says a lot for where he thinks your relationship is heading. If you're totally hip with that, proceed. But then again, why are you in a support group?)

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