Monday, February 2, 2015

When your new guy molests your daughter. Meet "Diane"

I'm struggling these days with much of Mormon culture that I am surrounded by every day. While the story I share via Divorced Moms today happens all over the world, across religious and non-religious cultures, the concept that "marriage makes one whole" is drilled into children's heads every single day. To the point that it's just over-the-top, if you ask me. I don't know that if different concepts were taught, the story below would be different, because many people will sacrifice ANYTHING for a relationship. But I do know this: There are worse things than being divorced. Being single can be fabulous. Being in a great relationship is the best thing ever. But... being married, or being in a relationship, just for the sake of not being alone is... well, it's tragic.

Anyway, read and weep.

Her New Husband Molested Her Daughter- And The Signs Were There
by Lizzy Smith                     
February 02, 2015
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Fotolia_31154017_XS.jpg"Diane" was a single mom raising her four-year old daughter, "Lola." Two years ago, Diane met "Bruce" via an online dating website. She fell instantly in love and she told me about him in one giddy coloring session after the next. You see, Diane was my hair stylist. Bruce was two years older than Diane and he had two daughters that were around Lola's age. He was recently divorced and lived with his parents almost two hours away. It was a match made in heaven.

A few weeks after their first meeting, it was Diane's birthday and she gathered all her friends and family and we all met for dinner at a local restaurant. It's the first time I met Bruce. I sat next to a mutual friend and we both commented that our initial impressions of Bruce was that he was either gay or something was "off."

"He might be giving Diane loads of sex but I think he's fantasizing about other men during the act," our mutual friend said. I laughed... but I agreed with her. Something wasn't right but, hey, if Diane was happy, good for her.

Because Bruce and Diane lived so far apart, being together almost every day was getting rather difficult. Within two months, Bruce found a new job and moved in with Diane into Diane's parents' basement. I thought it was way too fast to move a guy in with her, a guy she hardly knew, when her young daughter was in the bedroom next to her. And I was even more surprised that Diane's parents, who are very conservative and religious, allowed it. But it wasn't my decision so I kept my mouth shut (not always an easy task for me).

Several weeks later, I went in for my hair appointment and Diane shared with me the terrible events of the week prior. Bruce's younger sister, who was 15-years old, told a school therapist that Bruce had molested her and had tried to rape her more than once. Bruce was arrested at her parents' home and had posted bail. His parents loaned him $10,000 to pay for the upcoming legal fees and he hired an attorney.

"I just don't believe he did it," Diane said. "His sister has been having problems for a long time and she's a liar."

I stopped her. "Or she has problems because her brother has been molesting and assaulting her. If she is a liar, and you don't know that she is, maybe there's a good reason for it."

"Bruce's mom and dad don't know what to think but now we can't even go to their house!" she lamented. "And his ex-wife doesn't want Bruce to have unsupervised visits with his daughters. She's filed for full custody and for Bruce to have only supervised visits. She's such a bitch."

"First, Bruce's ex-wife doesn't sound like a bitch to me. She sounds like a wise, cautious mom. Second, Diane, you are new to this family. You have no idea their dynamics. Hopefully he didn't do it but you have no idea. The fact is, you have a young daughter and it is your responsibility as her mother to put your new love interest aside and focus on her. What if it's true? You can't allow Bruce around Lola. You have to protect her. If Lola's dad finds out, he'll file for custody of Lola and he could win. Are you ok with that?"

She wasn't happy with me.

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